Umeh Collins Ebube
Umeh Collins Ebube
Jan 21, 2020

• Advise me •

Poem Body

Advise me.
How can I pay back someone
who broke my heart & left me shattered
after all the dances in the garden of Eden.

Advise me.
How can I join my broken bones with pains, to tell a girl or a lady..
I love her forgetting the past?

After the flower of roses I once planted have withered in the wind that blows in harmattan.

Advise me.
How can I be in love again?

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Nigeria, NGA

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda , Maya Angelou, TS Eliot, Walt Whitman, William Shakespeare, Robert Frost, Williams Blake, William worthsworth, and many more!

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

you don't really want revenge on your ex-lover for the hurt she put on your heart. You want to gain sympathy from the reader; and so, I would advise you to get rid of the clinical sounding title. "Advise Me" sounds like you are asking for advice on trying to build something or achieve a goal. I would use: "Tell Me" for the first line, then switch to something like: "Let Me know"
and finally: "Give me hope". In a short poem, it is best to keep short lines. There are a couple of lines that could benefit by eliminating a couple of words, and changing them around a bit. Try this:

1] How can I join my broken heart and bones?
2] How do I tell a lady, to forget the past?
3]The roses I planted have withered in the wind.

Give me hope
That I may fall in love again

~ Geezer.
.

S

Good thoughts but just send the lady love and move on ..
Not sure if fiction or not but very pointed.
When you send out love it returns in many ways.
Take care and Look forward,
Yours Ian ..

lovedly

....after all the dances in the garden of Eden.
you freely enjoyed them

now move on to greener pastures
never run after a bird
she would fly faster ,

instead forget and live with another love
read Gee above