Poem Body
Let's put guns and bombs on silent like our cellphones.
If you never reckon a call, remove the battery and keep off it.
Let's vibrate not the Earth and heart with sour music of bullets.
Let not our mother tongues spring ambush in our lands.
Let's gather and drink from one cup.
Let us learn not to stone birds in the sky.
Let's learn to swim like fish in the same pond.
Let skin color be no crisis among ourselves.
Let's learn to join hands together and lift a canopy,
and learning to be under an umbrella, in sun and rain.
Comments
Very beautiful idealistic poetry
but some love allergy
fight with something something
boosts their egos
narcissists
What's the allergy, ma'am?
Thanks, ma'am.
Love your title...
Just a few little crits, I like the poem and it is, idealistic, but it also shouldn't be out of reach for the world!
You don't need the word [at] in your second line; just: if you never reckon a call, remove the battery and keep off it.
Let's not vibrate the Earth...
Let us learn not to stone birds...
Let's not vibrate the Earth...
Let skin color be no crisis among us...
learning to be under an umbrella in the sun and rain
All in all, I like the tone and you have a good work here. ~Geezer.
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Check the poem again.
Thanks, I have done the editing. Go for re- read of the poem.
Yes let’s!
This style of repetitive device works well here. But that first line about cellphones... doesn't fit the prosaic images that follow ( in truth it feels a bit hollow ).
Good ideas. Good luck with it. As Auden said, poetry changes nothing. But we say it anyway .
Should I remove the word cellphones?
Thank you, dad. Help look through the poem, again.