Sitting on a flowerpot.
Playing his guitar.
Saluda River Blues on the breeze.
Feeling like a garden gnome.
He keeps losing that E
Buggar!
Harmonics ring out.
Micro-elephant sings - albeit a little off key.
But what is pitch, anyway?
Just an aesthetical interpretation of the fallible.
Just one parting thought - lest I
sound too philosophical: Alpaca!
(see below for motivation and focus)
Last Few Words: Motivation and focus: Believe it or not, this piece is near and dear to my heart, and is autobiographical. A very special person was sitting on an overturned flowerpot in the middle of the garden playing a song they wrote entitled "Saluda River Blues". The micro-elephant is a little squeak they do, as it sounds like a little tiny elephant. Yes, I know, the title makes no sense. And I ask: why should it?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
O.o
Excellent point raised, Kelsey. I've modified the write accordingly. Hopefully the point is now properly conveyed that he's sitting in the garden, playing his guitar, and he keeps losing the 'E' string on his guitar. It was a brand new string, as his broke, and new strings tend to stretch and go out of tune easily - hence the 'buggar!'
Thankyou for coming by and offering your insight. That was a pretty big boo-boo on my point, huh?
my only crit here is
the over-explanation tacked on at the end. it seems unnecessary since the piece stands alone. but the definition of the micro-elephant really helped me. so, who know?
very relaxing and reflective piece. i actullay made some tea and put on some skip james after reading this. thx.
Hi Jess, indeed nice to see
Hi Jess, indeed nice to see you again, gritting as usual. ;-)
Good stuff.
~A
ah, new guitar strings
can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em, right? and micro-elephants...i'd love to hear what that sounds like :)
the explanation at the end made all the difference. so did the sandpaper comment, thank you Beau. great work.
Thankyou
Thank you, ladies and gents. It's been quite a while since I've been carousing Neo.
If I may, I'd like to address something in greater detail: my 'motivations and focus' section that I always include after a write. I include this to give the reader more of an insight on the piece - what format is used, who/what inspired it, etc. It's just something I've gotten used to adding along the way, and is backed by a loyal following: my poetry wouldn't be the same without it. Therefore, I choose to keep it.
Thankyou, everyone for stopping in, and I'm thrilled that someone felt inspired to go drink tea and relax!
Jess
All the critique has been done
So I will just say I smiled while reading as I know what went behind the writing
and who gave you that first line anyway lol
Beau(Kels) good correlation on the title it does work
Dear Jess,
Right off, I recognized your avatar as a cup of tea :) I've often stared into the bottom on one!
Thanks to Beau/Kelsey for shedding light on your title. I would love to be guitar serenaded in a garden full of gnomes and other fanciful creatures! I can see how troublesome a new e-string would be, lol!
It is so nice to see you back! Have a Happy New Year!
always, Cat