alidzain
alidzain
Mar 24, 2018

An Abode for Sadness

Poem Body

The void of solitude deepens
showing no mercy for a heart hollowed over time
plunging into a blinding darkness
home to the demons breaking silence
whispering omens about beginning of an end
a heart once an abode
to endless dreams and love
now shattered of all hope and spirits
prays "Lord hold me in your arms"
......................................

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: singapore, SGP

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Sarojini Naidu and friends in Neopoet.

More from this author

Comments

chevyvent

What a wonderful poem I love how you wove references to time, it starts with a moment and ends with eternity- and what an eternity you portray, so full of celebration!

alidzain

Thanks for the visit, the read and the comment. Truth is I used to visit and post my poems here alot but I decided to focus on malay poetry to uphold the heritage of my race. Since English is not my native language and I usually speak in malay, it will be inevitable if sometimes I do err in grammar and unaware of it so feel free to correct me when I am wrong.

Looking forward to hearing from you again.

Alid

R

raj

7 years 1 month ago

You have created vivid image of loneliness which elders endure. Though the word do convey intensity,,,I will look forward to how you improve the flow during edits...
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alidzain

Thanks for the visit, the read and the comment. This is a translation of my malay poem and I do find it quite a challenge on how to edit it. Can you offer me any suggestions pleeease. pretty please.

Alid

R

That explains why the poem lacks flow since the flow changes with language. I will try to make some changes. Please give me some time...
................................

R

An Abode for Sadness

The void of solitude deepens
showing no mercy for a heart hollowed over time
plunged in a blinding darkness
home to demons breaking silence
whispering omens about beginning of an end
a heart once an abode
to endless dreams and love
now shattered of all hope and spirits
prays "Lord hold me in your arms"
......................................

The Rain Sprite

Perhaps what accompanies Eternity is Solitude.
Solitude is enslaved by loneliness and only Death can set it free
And be with Eternity.

There is this image of an aged man sitting on a rocking chair inside an old, desolated room. He faces the window and he stares at the nothingness outside. He does that everyday until what he waits for comes to set him free.

alidzain

This poem is about the elders left in the old folk's home. I've heard some sad stories about them being left there by their children. There are those who live there so as not to be a burden to their families, only to be forgotten. No visits, no nothing.

Alid

V

.
The void of solitude deepens
showing no mercy for a heart hollowed over time,
plunged INTO a blinding darkness,
home to THE demons breaking silence;
whispering omens about THE BEGINNING AND THE END.

a heart, once an abode
OF endless dreams TO love,
now shattered of all hope, WHERE spirits
PRAY, "Lord hold me in your arms"

Best wishes.... val.

Sparrow

A great write as usual from your keys.
There in a far off land
A man speaks in poetry
His people come first
His thoughts given free
Thank you for remembering me,
Yours, Ian..