Poem Body
I hear so many people say today
how savage has become the human plight,
then cross themselves in piety and say
that Jesus will return and make things right.
He'll fight a war, all evil He will slay.
'Twill signal final end to all our quandaries.
And all we ever need to do is pray
for Him to rid us of our enemies.
So, when the one predicted comes around,
shall we find, then, sudden harmony?
Is this, in fact, the reason we’re Earth-bound -
denying our responsibility?
I think it matters not where I may dwell,
I fashion my own heaven, my own hell.
.
Comments
Wow, how very true. Very
Wow, how very true. Very artfully put together.
I've never been so bold as to suggest any change to anyone's poem (I always think they publish it as they prefer it) and I'm a bit timid about suggesting a change here, but..........
The last couplet, I would change to three lines
I think it matters not where I may dwell,
I fashion my own Heaven
And make my own Hell.
I just think it flows a bit better, but I'm not a technical poet, so feel free to totally ignore me :-)
Jxx - extra kiss, didn't want you to think I was being harsh!
thanks so much Jane
I always appreciate suggestions, please do continue to give them - this is what this site is all about
Unfortunately I can't use this one as the format is sonnet.... a very strict form.... and your suggestion doesn't fit the requirement for layout and meter
Love judy
xxx
No it wouldn't and more fool
No it wouldn't and more fool me for not seeing its sonnet form straight away, particularly as I am familiar with its structure.
Exits stage left feeling slightly daft
:-) Jxx
rotflmao
xxx
beautiful poem!
loved the last barb of this line
grew up with the color bible
and sunday school
and then late nite news
of troubles of the world
the struggle in school
and the kids cruel
so all I did was now
try to be cool
maybe I wasnt ambitious
enough
love the cleverness
Judy!
life is what we make!
thank U!
thank you Steven
for the visit and very kind comment
Love judy
xxx
Well written
but I'm not sure I follow the logic of the latter part of the third verse.
PS: although I do have a strong faith, I hope I never allow it to cloud my judgement when critiquing.
PPS: That closing couplet is classic.
hi Keith
Thank you
I hope that this write doesn't imply the absence of a god ... that was not intended.
I'm not sure what you mean by not being able to follow the logic of those two verses - whether you don't agree, or whether you're not sure what I'm saying...?
it is difficult (as you know lol) to fit a large thought into two verses.... I am trying to say that one of the reasons we are caught up in this school of hard knocks is because we haven't taken responsibility for our own growth - all to busy trying to better our material existence, while expecting the advent of a messiah to fix the spiritual side of things...
Any suggestions?
Love judy
xxx
Just a thought
It was not two verses, just two lines. I hope that this does not distort your meaning too much.
So, when the one predicted comes around,
shall we then find a sudden harmony?
Is this in fact the reason we’re Earth-bound?
- denying our responsibility
hi Keith
Yes, I knew what you meant
the confusion arises with terminology
A 'line' is actually called a verse, and what people usually call a verse is actually a 'stanza'
- I've got into the habit of using those terms....
I like your version, thanks, I shall ponder on it
love judy
xxx