wesley snow
wesley snow
Nov 08, 2014
This poem is part of the workshop:

Can you make a limerick serious?

(Read More...)

Another go. (limerick workshop)

Poem Body

The thing I fear most is the fear;
the struggle to hide from the tears.
The body of me
I'd thank you not see,
for at heart I am quite in arrears.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Good thing this isn't what I want to write because I would be in for years of misery.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Southern California, USA

Favorite Poets: Tolkien, Byron, Longfellow, Shakespeare, Dr. Suess, Elizabeth Browning, Robert Browning, Dickinson

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

10 years 5 months ago

for the most part. I would just change the next to last line to something like: " I'd hope you not see" or something similar so the rhythm is kept. ~ Gee

lovedly

7 to 10 in first second and last line
5to7 in third and fourth
good rhyme towards the end
beautifully you made it

what if you had said
are the tears
all ending in
''...s

R

raj

10 years 5 months ago

I am no expert on Limericks. However, not sure if fear, tears * arrears match perfectly.

please also see if "at" would be more appropriate in L 5

for in [at] heart I am quite in arrears.

Regards,