Trouble
Trouble
Jan 22, 2024
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoem Of The Year 2023

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TO BE A MOUNTAIN

Poem Body

TO BE A MOUNTAIN

To be a mountain!
Is too some, a life personified
Embodying the characteristic, of a mountain
Their volume of insecurity is larger than life
They need the allusion of strength
For solitude in their pride

To be a river!
Is freedom too some
Flowing without boundaries
The truth will not confine them
To face the lies, that they have become

To be a bird!
With wings of flight
Moving through the mistakes of space and time
Some would betray their own soul
For this chance to leave their own history behind

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Detroit Mi

Favorite Poets: my poets are john Coltrane and Sarah Vaughan OK they are not poets but their music is reason that I write . I want my poetry to flow like their music

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Comments

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "TO BE A MOUNTAIN" presents a series of metaphors, each exploring a different aspect of human nature and experience. The use of natural elements - a mountain, a river, a bird - to symbolize different human characteristics and desires is a classic poetic technique, and it can be effective in creating vivid, relatable imagery.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of language and metaphor. For example, the first stanza discusses the idea of a person embodying the characteristics of a mountain, but it's unclear what these characteristics are. The lines "Their volume of insecurity is larger than life / They need the allusion of strength / For solitude in their pride" suggest a certain interpretation, but it could be made more explicit.

The second and third stanzas, representing the river and the bird respectively, are more straightforward in their symbolism. The river represents freedom and truth, while the bird represents the desire to escape from past mistakes. However, the transition between these stanzas could be smoother. The poem might benefit from a clearer connection or progression between these different elements.

Lastly, the poem's punctuation and capitalization are somewhat inconsistent. While this can sometimes be used to create a certain effect, in this case, it might be distracting to the reader. A more consistent approach could improve the overall flow and readability of the poem.

Overall, the poem has potential but could benefit from some refinement in its use of metaphor, structure, and punctuation.

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