mand
mand
Sep 27, 2013
This poem is part of the workshop:

The Bottom Line

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To Be Or Not To Be ( a quatrain of Pentemeter - first attempt )

Poem Body

I have been told to write a poem fair.
My mind is blank and so I sit and stare.
No words will come into my head you see,
until I think. "To be or not to be".

I have / been told / to write / a po / em fair.
My mind / is blank / and so / I sit / and stare.
No words / will come / into / my head / you see.
Un til / I think / to be / or not / to be.

Second attempt

I have been told to write a poem fair.
Stirring up words honeyed with tender care.
But none recline my mind so still I sleep.
And non transpire this quiescent creep.

I have / been told / to write / a po / em fair.
Stir.ring / up words / hone..yed / with ten / der care.
But none / re..cline / my mind / so still / I sleep.
and none / tran..spi / re this / qui.es / cent creep.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

More from this author

Comments

Rula

Rula

11 years 7 months ago

You are doing well with the first attempt

I have / been told / to write / a po / em fair.
 My mind / is blank / and so / I sit / and stare.
 No words / will come / into / my head / you see.
 Un til / I think / to be / or not / to be 

mand

Thanks Rula - the hairs have gone up on the back of my neck - I'm glad I've got the drift of it ( I hope ). Hopefully I'll progress from here on. Wesley was right start from the beginning. It really does made sense. He he

Thank you soooo much for your help - Look forward to seeing you all next Tuesday. ( unless I manage to log in before ).

Love Mand xxxx