Cinderella Lost

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem, titled "Cinderella Lost," paints a vivid picture of a fairy tale gone wrong. The imagery of "sweeping, weeping" and "clouds of dust" effectively conveys the feeling of despair and hopelessness that the speaker is experiencing. The use of repetition with "everywhere" emphasizes the overwhelming nature of the situation.

The line "Cinders burning in her grasp" is a strong metaphor for the shattered dreams that the speaker is holding onto. The reference to the "rabbit hole" is a clever nod to Alice in Wonderland, which adds a layer of complexity to the poem.

The contrast between the "sparrows singing of sunshine" and the "funeral of Ravens" creates a sense of tension and conflict. The use of "colorless blood" is a striking image that highlights the speaker's exhaustion and defeat.

The final stanza is a powerful indictment of the prince's false promises and betrayal. The use of "ill-fated intentions afoot" and "the prince lied through his kiss" effectively conveys the sense of betrayal and disillusionment that the speaker is feeling.

One suggested line edit would be to change "Poison promises amiss" to "Poisoned promises amiss" to clarify the meaning of the line and maintain consistency with the use of past tense throughout the rest of the poem.

Overall, "Cinderella Lost" is a well-crafted poem that effectively conveys the pain and disillusionment of a fairy tale gone wrong. The use of strong imagery and metaphors creates a vivid and emotional reading experience.

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a suggestion:
in this line:

Dreams that turned to ash (Dreams that turned to (sodden) ash) add sodden because it makes the poem flow better. why sodden ash: because she is weeping while sweeping, and the dust gets wet.

I bet most women could relate to this story! mama lied, life is NOT fair!

*love, Cat

It seems that we all bought into Disney's version of things, from Snow White to Sleeping Beauty, only to find that life doesn't work that way. A hard lesson for all of us.

My one suggestion would be to change "While the heart spills from her chest;" to "Heart spilling from her chest;".

have made all the suggestions I would have made and I think you did well to take them all into consideration and accept the ones you did. I hear you! All the lies told about white knights and heroes! Hmmmph, I stopped believing long ago. You did a great job of pointing out the opposites; {Ravens threatening while sparrows sing of sunshine], and I was truly intrigued by the colorless blood! Not deep enough to be more than a nuisance or draw real blood, just aggravating as hell!
Good stuff!
~ Geez.
.

Hi, Carrie,
Another good one! Fairy tales are such a burden!
L

We talked about this one and came to some good ideas. I feel you on this one. We aren’t frequently given fairytale endings. We make the best of it anyway though.

Tim

Loved your poem. Fairy tales images create strength in your thoughts.

Loved your poem. Fairy tales images create strength in your thoughts.

What a great re-telling, you did really well, sorry I missed it first time round but a very big congratulations.

You've been given some great advice. I offer nothing but kudos on a great write, fairytales in some cases weren't always happily ever after some of them had a moral to the story and some had horrific endings. I tend to like the darker ones.

Well done sweets

Much love Jayne xx

A well written anti-tale based on a famous fairytale. Did I get a hint of Hitchcock’s “The Birds” in your line regarding a funeral of ravens threatening the light?” I think plural of crows may be a funeral or a murder and the plural of ravens may be an unkindness. You might check that. Anyway…your dark take on this story and the reality lesson it teaches is very well penned and expressed. I enjoyed your writing very much. Thank you. Many blessings to you in your writing.