i
parallels in paths
worn smooth by duty,
to meet on the edge
of life's cliff
our destiny
ii
there is one
who holds this heart,
in the palm of his hands
he juggles more than words
iii
oh for the nights,
a symphony of bones
and skin entwined as one
where there is no start or end
.
Last Few Words: *vignettes
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
I think
I'd have 'of life's cliff' as one entire line joined to the preceding line. Our destiny could stand alone.
I'd get rid of 'only' in the next vignette. Some strong emotions in this.
CC
edited... thanks from way over here.