We sell our souls on social media for instant likes and clicks,
Our brains are fried, progress has died, as we stare into the screen.
But reality makes us into, corporate tool of money-making pricks.
And the scientists keep telling us, it’s because we’re craving dopamine.
What the hell is dopamine, a mind chemical castration?
Interaction with your phone brings only decay and isolation.
That’s what they say in complex terms to hide the revelation,
We can’t pursue human truth, while distracted by information.
Wind it back, who’s talking crap who doesn’t understand?
To walk blind, eyes fixed on screen, phone glued within your hand.
Your rankings slip, your mind grows cold, your hits now stand at nought,
If I could rewind, and forget this shit when it was sold and we were bought.
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "CLICK" presents a critical perspective on the impact of social media and technology on human behavior and society. It employs a direct and confrontational tone, which effectively communicates the speaker's dissatisfaction and concern.
The poem's structure could benefit from a more consistent rhyme scheme. The first stanza follows an ABAB pattern, but the second stanza deviates from this. Consistency in rhyme scheme can enhance the rhythm and flow of the poem.
The use of language is generally clear and accessible, with a few instances of more complex vocabulary ("dopamine", "castration"). However, the phrase "a mind chemical castration" could be clarified. If the intention is to suggest that dopamine, or the pursuit of it, is mentally debilitating, consider rephrasing for clarity.
The poem's message about the negative effects of technology is clear, but it could be further developed. For instance, the poem could explore more deeply why people are so drawn to technology and social media, or how these platforms manipulate human psychology. This could add depth and nuance to the poem's critique.
The final line, "when it was sold and we were bought," is a powerful statement about commodification and loss of agency. However, it could be more impactful if it were tied more closely to the preceding lines. Consider revising to create a stronger connection between the ideas in the poem's conclusion and its main body.
Overall, the poem effectively communicates a critical perspective on technology and social media, but could benefit from more consistent structure, clearer language, and deeper exploration of its themes.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
This is...
as good a rap as I have heard recently. I can hear music for it in the background, and everything! Too bad that I don't write music. This is good, solid piece. The video has this dude with braids taking big, long strides through a subway train. Running a rap on his phone, his crew... well you get the idea. Good stuff. ~ Geez.
.
Thanks Geezer, glad you
Thanks Geezer, glad you popped by to let me know, funny I hadn't thought of it in that way. Maybe I should learn how to write music, ha ha, yeah, like that's going to happen. It's one I worked on a long time ago and only recently finished before posting it here.
If you've got any poems knocking about that you've done recently I'd like to take a look.
Take care Ruby :)
Do you mean...
any poems that I've done before you came back? Or do you mean in the last few days? ~ Geez.
.
I checked your page and it
I checked your page and it appears you haven't written anything since April? So I'd like to see something new of yours :) No pressure. Ruby :)