China Blue

Apr 27, 2015

This poem is part of the workshop:

TITLES here we go

(Read More...)

Damien's Lie (for title ws)

Poem Body

The air I breathe is of the dead or dying

words spew forth from swollen cracked lips
all that is heard through the spittle and hiss
are lies cleverly phrased

These acidulous tears are shed for no one
but a love lost
energy expelled in rage

Through eyes set ablaze
by Zeus's hand
I watch the demise of woman and man
sanctioned and doled out
by my own hand

I walk through the world of the living
but live in the realm of the dead
know ye well
that Damien Stryker goes on

Awaken those sleeping, come forth and rise
cloaked by mist
hidden by fog
Damien did and still rides

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Re Post for Stan's workshop on titles

Style/Type: Free verse

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: North Carolina, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allen Poe, James Patterson, Dean Koontz, Leonard Cohen

Comments

Well obviously...

"Damien", but that's too easy.
"A breath of fresh death"... too cheeky?
I'm really bad at this.

common now you can do better than that. I know what the title that I gave it was right Damien does not have that draw to the reader
look at the body of the poem , what images are conjured up by them( if any)

Alright.

Euthanasia or Demise.
The poem was about death to me.

Title for this one Chrys

"Deathly Demise", Ditto Wesley's dement.
Mind you "Stokers Demise" is just as good lol
There seems to be a mix here where Zeus's eyes are brought in at some point, so am not sure which undead we are writing about.
Take care both, Yours, Ian..

Ian

Damien's demise' demise
wouldn't deathly demise be redundant?
I'm playing devils advocate here

Chrys

I was referring to "Bram Stoker", who wrote about Dracula all those years ago"Stokers Demise" was the downfall of the Dracula man lol,
Yours Ian xx

Maybe

"When The Dead Speaks"

Rula

I like that one, IMHO a little more draw

I don't know how to read a lot of this Chrys

but the titles that came to my mind after quite a few reads were
Damien's Lie
Damien Rides
???

Can I please point out a couple of things?
Typo I think, unless 'dieing' is on purpose? - do you mean 'dying'?

In the last two stanzas you use the word 'dead' 3 times .... can I suggest you use a synonym for at least one of them?

love judy
xxx

JudyAnne

I've made a few changes based on your suggestions thank you
this was from a series of poems I had written under the pseudonym "Damien Stryker"
it is ok if you cannot grasp it
point was to find a title ( which it already has but for the purpose of this workshop I left off)

I like the changes Chrys

a typo though as you missed taking the 's' off 'stills'
Can I make one more suggestion - lose the 'on' at the end...
xxx

done

there ya go
good suggestions

chrys

how about 'Necromancer'.

Alid

to me it would not fit Stryker is no where near it he is perhaps more vmapire than anything else
If you are a fan of one words titles which I use from time to time this would be a good title for another poem