Like its one of those days; it’s one of those things;
All mean the same to you:
There is an unseen weight yet still so real
weighing down upon you dampening your spirit
stifling your growth
It’s like you are suspended in mid-air; you are in stasis
With some strange being at your rudder;
You are at its mercy: turned, spun, rolled, rotated, pulled, pushed
your activities are futile but all you feel like doing is nothing
your environment have become this barren
desolate place devoid of its thrills, its hypnotism or even its magnetism.
If only you could be whisked away…..far away
Where your slate could be wiped clean and start afresh!
your once faithful survival strategy – the will to live; the means
of livening up yourself – is busting at the seams
your broad shoulders ready to buckle under the
the weight of the heavy heart you tote
you have vision yourself on this skyscraper high tightrope
mid-way of its mile long span frozen with fright
you have become so timid that you could
die with shock if touched
days like that….is like it’s one of those days….it’s like one of those things
which instead of being measured by despair
you clean yourself
you anoint yourself
you attire yourself…………..clean and dry
you cast away your gloomy and screwed face
by which time the sure the sun will be shining
days like that…
its’ one of those days…it’s one of those things!
That your bottle comes under test
You know have a good chance to become to know
what metal you’re made up of on days like that!
Comments
willy
firstly it is difficult to read in the format that you use, which tends the reader to overlook many of the words
2nd it's like is used way to often
you did not indicate at what intensity you wanted your poem critiqued, raw truth , oderate etc
therefore I will stop here and re visit to see if there are any changes
all I will suggest is perhaps re read this and do it out loud see how it sounds to your ear
You wrote this to the subject, not the reader
Who do you want to get something from it? It's just an attack, a rant.
Think about why you write and for who. This can be considered in form and structure, not just content.