No whining, or crying or pitching a fit
we are no longer able
to tolerate it
You say it's depression,
but we want you just to quit
Speaking in anger
it does us no good
Your illness incurable,
but we won't accommodate it
So pull your big boots on
and get on with it!
Put on a good face
and act like you should
Accomplish something, anything
doesn’t it make you feel good?
You can't sullenly sit there
without taking a hit
So get up out of bed
and deal with it!
You don’t understand
what I'm feeling
You want me to start over
to begin again
What I'm trying to say is that
it's not happening!
My foundation is rocked
broken in fragments and seams
Depression has demolished
all of my dreams!
I won’t live a lie
let me make that understood
your pretentions all are vain,
but my heart still is good!
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem seems to explore the theme of mental health, specifically depression, and the societal pressures that surround it. The language used is direct and confrontational, which effectively conveys the tension and misunderstanding that often occurs between those suffering from mental health issues and those who may not fully comprehend their struggles.
The poem is divided into two distinct perspectives, which adds depth to the narrative. However, it could benefit from a clearer distinction between these two voices. This could be achieved through the use of different stanza structures, varied line lengths, or contrasting language styles.
The use of rhyme and rhythm is consistent throughout the poem, which aids in readability and flow. However, the poem might benefit from a more varied and unpredictable rhyme scheme to reflect the chaotic and unpredictable nature of mental illness.
The final lines of the poem are powerful and leave a lasting impression. However, the transition to this ending could be smoother. The abrupt shift from the societal voice to the individual's voice might confuse some readers.
The poem could also benefit from more vivid and unique imagery. While the language is direct and clear, the use of more metaphorical or symbolic language could add another layer of meaning and emotional depth to the poem.
Lastly, the poem could delve deeper into the individual's experience with depression. While the societal voice is well-developed, the individual's voice could be expanded upon to provide a more balanced perspective.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Neo
I always learn something from neo.
Depression is odd
It takes over your life but also destroys it
Sometimes I think Depression is as indecisive as it feels
Can one be both sad,but also want to live?
I loved the part of your piece where you mentioned having to wake up anyway
Like,wake up!whether you want to or even can...that's what the world expects.
You captured the dichotomy of living with Depression so honestly
kowque
I know you understand our mutual torment. Thanks for understanding!
Hi Leslie
depression is an energy sucking monster, it drains joy and blackens, and cause one to fear the future.
I have seen that monster at work.
Tyro
Thank you for stopping in I'm in and out of depression and mania 2 or 3 times daily. The mania sets me up for the fall and depression tries to kick me when I'm down but I always come out on the light side. Recognizing this occurrence allows me to
stay afloat when it gets dark.