mand

Mar 21, 2011

Eternity

Poem Body

Energy, timeless, everlasting
Unending, with no beginning
Eternally in motion
In the cosmic ocean
Degenerating
Recycling
Creating,
Building
Life.

This is my first attempt at a nonet - inspired by Shirl.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Comments

Dear Mand,

I think that "Eternity" would be a better title for this piece, because realities can become bent and warped. A very intriguing little poem. I've never attempted this type of poem myself, and I have nothing but respect for anyone who tries something different.

love, Cat

Hi Cat

Nice to see you! I hope you're o.k. Yes I see what you mean! I'll see what others might say but I like your suggestion.

Thanks Cat I much appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.

Love Mand xxxxxxxx

Great...

for your first attempt! I thought that it was very consistent, and well written, but I too, had trouble with the title. Maybe something like: "Ever"? Nice write. ~ Gee

Hi Geezer

Good to hear from you. I enjoyed the challenge. There must be alot of different types of poems I haven't even heard of - I wouldn't have know about this one if it wasn't for Shirl. It's nice to try new style out - broadens the horizons. Lol

Thanks Geezer, kind of you to read and comment.

Love Mand

P.s Thanks for the suggestion - I will be changing it soon.

Love Mand xxxxxxxx

Dear Mand

a wonderful first attempt at a nonet which is not just a syllapble structure but very meaningful...

much love ...

Hi Raj

Kind of you to say so - It's always interesting trying new things out.

Thanks for reading and your kind comments.

Love Mand xxxxxx

Hi Mand

I agree with Raj on this. you've managed the content very well. meaning shines through the form.
well played

respectfully

Thank you Brittle Light

Kind of you to read and comment, I'm glad it make some sort of sense. Lol

Love Mand xxxxxx

Transformation of Energy

I don't know much,
About the nuances of poetry
But one thing is for certain,
All energy is indestructible,
For ever it’s under transformation,
My minds eye
Opens your eyes
And
My poem transforms
Into a script,
Energy continues to transform,
Bit by bit...

Hi Loved

Nice to see you. Atoms, quarks, protons, positrons, all making a matrix of reality - like pixels in a moving picture. I'm not a scientist! but the universe we live in fascinates me. It seems to be the perfect recycling machine.

Problem is my brain can only absorb so much. Lol

Love Mand xxxxxx

I'm soooo nervous

I just hope nothing goes wrong! you know what life is like. Lol

I had to take my son to hospital on Satuarday, he had a swollen uvular - it was so swollen that it was touching his tongue! Don't know what's causing it yet. He had to take steroids, which bought the swelling down.

You next Shirl ! It'll soon come round! Have you got your wedding dress yet?

Love Mand xxxxxxx

Hi Mand,

Not bad at all, for a first Nonet.
I always think of computers I hear or see "nonet", lol, it's an old programmer's term for a group of nine data bits. Seldom used today. God, that dates me!
I like your implication, in this poem, that the reason for it all is Life. I also like your word choice very much.
I don't know about the title, though. "Reality" is our subjective interpretation of the cosmos and the physical processes within it, so I think perhaps that Cat's suggestion would be a better fit.
Well done, this is a good one.

HI Jim

Nice to see you. Spot on Jim, I'll change the title straight away.

Kind of you to read and comment.

Love Mand xxxxxxxxx

Hi Bee

Good to hear from you. Glad you liked the poem - just meandering thoughts. he he

It's 7.30am as of this moment everything is o.k but I have discovered anything can happen. Lol.

I hope you're o.k. I hope to have a bit of time today to visit other peoples poems ( including yours ).

Thanks Bee, kind of you to read and comment.

Love Mand xxxxxxx

So neat Mand,

So neat Mand,
its like the rings that go down the stairs by themselves
except that I hear a brick shape doing the same thing,
clunk clunk clunk
to reach the conclusion at the bottom.

Well done you, I tried on Shirl's nonet I think, but its not easy to make sense and get it right, like the Haiku poem so in the end, unless one is as clever as Mand has been here, the exercise is just an exercise and is fun but not the main aim of a poem.

Love to you and all yours Ann.

Hi Ann

Sooo good to hear from you, I hope you are o.k.

Thought I'd follow Shirl's lead and give it a go. Lol

Thanks for your encouraging comments Ann. It's always nice to see you.

Love Mand xxxxxxxx

hellooooo mand

Shows that the form is MUCH more than a mere syllable count.......................stan

Hi Stan

Soooo good to see you! Thanks Stan, kind of you to say so! Yenti posted information about a sonnet, never tried that before, I'm amazed at how many different styles there are!.. Always good to try something different.

Love and hugs

Mand xxxxxxxxx