Poem Body
by: eddy styx
I am of longest night
Most mercurial.
Loving the sound,
Of Autumn leaves
Twisting in the wind
Before the storm.
My song is that
Of the fluttering
Of bat wings,
Streaming
Like the bounty
Of a thunderhead
From the recesses
Of my daily shelter.
I was born with
The breaking of 3 a.m.
Of the dismal night
That covers me
As I prowl and hunt
The soiled doves
The ladies of the evening.
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Paradox Creature" by eddy styx presents a vivid, atmospheric narrative that effectively uses imagery and metaphor to convey a sense of the speaker's nocturnal nature and activities. The poem's strength lies in its evocative descriptions and the use of specific details to create a sense of place and character.
However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from further refinement. For instance, the line "I am of longest night" could be made more impactful by specifying what "longest night" signifies. Is it the literal longest night of the year, or a metaphor for a period of darkness or struggle? Providing more context could enhance the reader's understanding and engagement.
The phrase "the soiled doves / The ladies of the evening" is somewhat ambiguous. If the intention is to depict the speaker as a predator of some sort, this could be made clearer. Alternatively, if the speaker is meant to be a part of this nocturnal world, additional details could help to establish this connection.
The poem could also benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter. The current structure is somewhat irregular, which can disrupt the flow of the poem and make it harder for the reader to follow. Experimenting with different line lengths and stanza structures could help to create a more rhythmic, engaging reading experience.
Lastly, the poem's title, "Paradox Creature," doesn't seem to directly connect with the content of the poem. The speaker doesn't appear to embody any obvious paradoxes, so the title may not be effectively guiding the reader's interpretation. A more descriptive or evocative title could help to set the tone for the poem and provide a clearer sense of what to expect.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
HEY A.I.
When are you going to get it through your thick programing that FREE VERSE does NOT necessarily have meter or rhyme?!!! That is why it is called Free Verse!!!
*Candlewitch
Creature of the night
I get a sense of darkness and rebirth. The fluttering of bat wings feel and sound so real! I can imagine this beautiful creature stalking the night...looking for prey. Well done eddy
thank you Carrie,
for your handling me with great care. I think you may be the only one who sees my vulnerabilities!
* ever, eddy styx
We are not
Much different but I think you have been through way more than me. Always enjoy your works!
we have...
our similarities (many) and our differences. i have lived longer and have had more time to become warped. I find myself in most of your work...it is amazing!
*ever eddy
*hugs, Cat