eightmenout
Apr 04, 2016

Expressions

Poem Body

How do I feel today?
Do I feel at all?
What's the point off feeling anything,
anyway?

So I can be sad like you?
Be mad like you?
So I can be fed-up like you?
So I can be everything you are?
So I can be you?

A rock came through my window today.
It was painted with the word hope,
shattering like the window it christened,
leaving me in the corner, a shivering toddler,
leaving me with an empty hand and a
broken mirror. My window piecing
below my feet, piercing each step
with the vision of broken eyes
a bloody path to my front door
which is locked from the outside.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allen Poe, Henry Rollins, Langston Hughes, Emily Dickinson

More from this author

Comments

Rula

If this is fiction or real I do sympathize.
This is well written indeed.
No suggestions. The last stanza could stand by itself.

Rula

Like the metaphor throughout, if I understand the rock's thing right. Otherwise I think i misread it.

Rula

a representative of a heavy burden or so that caused you such a pain. Otherwis, it must have be used literary, as a rock.

weirdelf

I do not understand why that last line is so powerful. It lifts the whole poem to the sublime. Nothing so mundane as a "locked room" murder mystery, although that can't be ignored, especially with the hopeful rock threat.

This is a poem that defies my analysis but I love it.