Shadowdancer3349
Oct 07, 2018

The Fog and I

Poem Body

Let this fog enfold me
like a well worn cloak
drifting and lifting
To a world where
voices cry out,they know my name
echoing through halls
of the insane

Trust us they say
for we would not lie
then show me what I can only see
but cannot touch

They that wait in shadows
are we not one and the same
then why should I fear
are heart and soul to bear
Turn not the raging tides
that crash upon this empty shell
that I should suffer
the fires of hell for act nor deed of thought

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States of America North Carolina

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allen Poe, some frost

More from this author

Comments

R

raj

6 years 6 months ago

I liked the way you have dealt / played with fog ...is it a surmise? I suppose it is...

perhaps you may be tweaking up this poem being a rough draft to let it flow smoother which generally is the case with your poems...
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S

thanks for the read yes I just may be doing that but not at the moment will be off line as i am moving this week and not sure when I will have internet connection

chevyvent

hey!!! nice write here..on an unimportant note i believe there is a single somewhat insignificant missing consonant in the first line of the piece( unless it was artistically intentional)...But the single missing "L" left no distraction and in no way damaged the well worded and vision extracting structure of this one. I could relate to this one almost as if it were tuned into the same mysterious cosmic tap from which my own work is extracted.. it nice to find writing that contacts and connects to a deeper subconscious positioning...good stuff...keep the antennae out and open to encountered!!

S

Thank you so much for your review it is probably a typo which I am notorious for lol. Oh I am sure there is a lot more where this comes from

Geezer

I find that a simplification will make a work or even just a line clearer and/or neater.
Try: Trust us, they say, for we would not lie. Then show me what I can see, but never touch".
If you do not use punctuation; you should use capitalization to mark the end of a sentence or idea. I'm looking forward to the editing of this one.~ Geezer.
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