Poem Body
Fooled Again...
Warm breeze dances with cold winds
round and round they go.
Through the trees, wind whipped thin,
hear them sigh and sough.
Flutterbys and hummingbirds
sipping nectar brews,
carry smells and sexiness,
just like precious jewels.
May will gather her bouquet,
Kiss her brow, my favorite sun,
caress her skin with warmth, I say,
she'll love you when you're done.
It's just a fling, this Springtime thing,
remember what I say,
she'll just run off with Summer again,
on that perfect weather day.
It happens every year, it does.
She fools you every time.
I don't know why you fall for it.
but it makes for such good rhyme.
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem, "Fooled Again...", demonstrates a strong command of imagery and metaphor, effectively using natural elements to convey the transient nature of spring. The personification of the months and seasons adds a layer of depth to the poem, transforming it into a narrative of unrequited love.
However, there are a few areas that could be improved. The rhythm of the poem seems inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow for the reader. For instance, the second stanza has a different rhythm compared to the first and the last. It might be beneficial to revisit the syllable count and stress pattern in each line to create a more consistent rhythm throughout the poem.
The use of the word "Flutterbys" instead of "Butterflies" is intriguing. If this is an intentional choice to create a playful tone or unique imagery, it could be made more effective by introducing similar playful language elsewhere in the poem. If it's a typo, it should be corrected.
The last line, "but it makes for such good rhyme", breaks the fourth wall and acknowledges the act of writing poetry. This meta-commentary can be effective, but it might be more impactful if it's integrated more seamlessly into the poem. It could be rephrased or repositioned to maintain the immersive quality of the preceding narrative.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more explicit exploration of the theme. The metaphor of spring as a fleeting lover is engaging, but the poem could delve deeper into the implications of this metaphor. What does it say about the nature of love, or the passage of time? Exploring these questions could add another layer of depth to the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
The contest is...
titled "I Was an April Fool". I thought it appropriate to explore the idea that she fools me into thinking
that she is going to be a long-term relationship; while all the time she plans on leaving with that "Summer" guy;
kind of like Charlie Brown when Lucy pulls the football out from under his foot every year. Nope, not a typo, a deliberate nod to my dead-ex-wife. I don't see the opportunity to use another fanciful word like flutterby, but, maybe later...
The rhythm is such, that when spoken this manner, it emphasizes the idea of the line, each time the subject changes.
I think that the passage of time is certainly addressed here; when I say the nature of love is that all is forgiven, until next year.
~ Geezer.
.
in the last verse, third line
in the last verse, third line: I think the line is missing the word (know).
Spring is flirtatious and fleeting. So do not "Fall" in love, lol. A very bad pun! my favorite verse is:
It's just a fling, this Springtime thing,
remember what I say,
she'll just run off with Summer again,
on that perfect weather day.
I like it best because it flows so well and I think it is the heart of the poem and it flows so well, it almost sings. good luck on the contest!
*love, Cat
Thank you for...
catching that missing word, Cat, I always look forward to your opinion on the best lines. ~ Geez.
.
Fooled Again...
Hello, Geezer,
Another clever, playful poem. The first two stanzas are especially lovely and poetic. I understand the fickle nature and theme, but I became a bit lost with who was speaking, and to whom, especially within the quotations. I will be back!
Thank you!
L
Of course...
the author is the quoted one. Thank you for your read and comment. I tried taking out the quotation marks, but somehow, it just doesn't look right. ~ Geez.
.
Got it!
Hello, Geezer,
Was a bit lost, but understand now. I agree, the quotes add to the meaning.
Thank you!
L
Sir Gee
I'm late to this one ,but I'm so happy that I didn't miss.
V. much enjoyed reading it and I would say it's alright sometimes to be fooled :)
Spring is the season that almost everyone adores but it can't last forever, right?
Again, a very clever poem and a good one to start with my day:)
Thank you again for sharing sir.
I am happy...
that I started your day with a smile and good feelings. Spring is indeed a time that almost everyone shares a fondness for.
I guess that Spring is gone far too soon, but we often miss the departure, and it feels as though she has run off with Summer in the middle of May or early June. Thank you for the read and comments. ~ Geez.
.