Poem Body
My hand you held, I touched your days,
And in my dreams, I seized your gaze.
If you are here, and I’m asleep,
Do not cry, don’t let tears weep.
In endless smile, always my love,
I have escaped to stars above.
I’ll wait for you, I have not gone,
I’m in your heart, yet I’ve moved on.
I’m in a glimpse of distant space,
look around, I found my place,
in flower blooms, and rain and winds,
I am not lost, new life begins.
If I surrendered to the dark,
In meagre light, I’ll grow as spark.
My love for you, will signify,
our dreams remain, above the sky.
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Forever With Me" is a poignant exploration of love, loss, and the enduring nature of human connection. The poem's structure is consistent, adhering to a regular rhyme scheme that contributes to its overall rhythm and flow.
The use of metaphors and imagery is effective in conveying the speaker's emotional state. For instance, the line "I have escaped to stars above" suggests a transcendence of physical existence, while the phrase "In meagre light, I’ll grow as spark" implies resilience and the potential for growth even in difficult circumstances.
However, the poem could benefit from more specific and concrete imagery to ground the abstract concepts it explores. For example, instead of saying "I’m in a glimpse of distant space," the poet could describe a specific celestial body or astronomical phenomenon to create a more vivid picture in the reader's mind.
The poem's language is generally clear and accessible, but there are a few instances where the syntax is somewhat awkward, such as "I touched your days" and "I see you still, but I’ve moved on." These lines could be rephrased for clarity without losing their poetic quality.
Overall, the poem effectively communicates its themes and emotions, but could be improved with more concrete imagery and clearer syntax.
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Forever With Me
Hello, Ruby,
At first I thought this was a separation by dying. (Probably is?) But as I reread, if felt as if it may also be the separation we have from our lovers merely as we sleep, which is pretty deep and mystifying. Either way, it is a tender poem, passionate.
Thank you!
L
Hi Lavender, thank you so
Hi Lavender, thank you so much for your comments and also for raising questions about the poem. I have made a few minor changes but I don't want to persuade you one way or the other.
What we get from a poem is personal, and for me if I made you think of different possibilities, I think I've done all right. Ruby :) xx
A beautiful love after death
A beautiful love after death poem. My favorite two lines in your poem are “in flower booms, and rain and winds, I am not lost, new life begins.” Simply beautiful words imagery. Thank you for this lovely post.
Thank you for your comment, I
Thank you for your comment, I'm glad you enjoyed it and I'm even happier that you chose your two favourite lines. Thank you so much for reading it and for your generous and thoughtful feedback. Ruby :)
dear Ruby,
I don not always have the time to comment, but I try to read from neopoet's line-up at least three times a week. of that list, your, and a few others poems are at the top of my reading list. I wish I had the time and concentration to read all the poems here. I love your gentle coaxing of magical words to make mystical gifts to share with us. my favorite lines are:
I am not lost, new life begins.
If I surrendered to the dark,
In meagre light, I’ll grow as spark.
My love for you, will signify,
our dreams remain, above the sky.
*thank you for being you, Cat
Thank you Cat for your
Thank you Cat for your comments and choosing your favourite lines, it is a great boost when someone picks out my words as their favourites.
Like you I have to concentrate and find space in my head to appreciate the poems and I read as many as I can but don't always comment because some days, my head won't work as I'm trying to coax my words into making sense.
I wanted to create a poem for a person who died a while ago as I read a piece at their funeral, but it turned into something more personal than I intended as I looked at my own life.
Take care and stay safe, Ruby :) xxx