weirdelf

Nov 08, 2014

This poem is part of the workshop:

Can you make a limerick serious?

(Read More...)

Description:

The very form of the limerick makes it sound humorous.
This short workshop sets the very simple exercise of writing a limerick, true to form, with entirely non-lewd or humorous content. Content of a serious, philosophical, beauteous or emotional nature.
Far more difficult than it sounds.
It will teach us a lot about form versus content.

A limerick is a five line poem, written in anapaest with often cataleptic elements. . The meter, though important, is the lesser requirement to the rhyme structure.
The first, second and fifth line rhyme. The third and fourth lines rhyme. Usually the third and forth lines are shorter.
AABBA
These rules can not be broken.
If you are unfamiliar with the form it is imperative you Google it and read some. You will find them all, without exception, rude and or humorous.
Hence the challenge.

My favourite un-rude, humorous limerick

There was an old lady from Clyde
who ate forty apples and died
the apples fermented
inside the lamented
and made cider inside her inside.

Leader: weirdelf (Jess)
Moderator(s): Wesley Snow
Scribbler (Stan)

Objectives: To write a serious limerick

Level of expertise: Open to all

Subject matter: Limericks
If you are unfamiliar with the form the Wikipedia article is not bad
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_%28poetry%29
and a Google search turns up some good examples.

I be taking a fairly hands off approcach to this workship, asking members to critique each other's limericks.

Do not forget to select "Can you make a limerick serious" from the workshop droplist at the bottom of the Submit a poem page and put (Limerick Workshop) in the title

I've decide to use SondCload https://soundcloud.com/upload-beta as way for us to record our limericks and let each other hear them. If your computer doesn't have a microphone, don't worry, the workshop will work anyway, however do try to recored your limerick and post the URL of your recording. Limericks sound best aloud.

Let's start with a discussion of the form.

This workshop is closed.

Full Metal Limerick

Poem Body

I met a young GI in a bar
why do they hate us so far?
I held back no hate
he gagged on my bait
the whole world is your weeping scar.

I could be torn apart by a wild boar
or dissected by a jealous whore
but cancer will not get a chance
I will not play that sickly dance
A gun will splatter the deadly gore.

My entire life is full of strife
the violence is unbearably rife
the scent of the blood
has become a flood
more than a gun or a knife.

There was an old atheist poet
who knew death and much about it
he knew not the end
be it foe or a friend
his life was in order to show it

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics, The Mersey Sound, The Beats and, of course, The Bard

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Jess

Thanks for posting these examples.

Regards,

Hello Jess

Hope you are not still mad of me :)

I think I have started to get the rhythm of these limericks.
I thought the content here is so humane and touching in many levels, however when I read loud I stumbled mostly in the second stanza.
the first works perfectly when read aloud.
Many thanks for sharing.

I was never mad at you. I felt a bit harshly treated

and worst, judged and under-estimated. All is forgiven
.

I

like it!

Hi Jess

lol – do i dare?
I met a young GI in a bar .... i met a GI in a bar? - ‘young’ makes the verse too long to my ear

the whole world is your weeping scar... the whole world's your weeping scar...

I could be torn apart by a wild boar ... I could be torn apart by boar
or dissected by a jealous whore... dissected by a jealous whore
but cancer will not get a chance
I will not play that sickly dance
A gun will splatter the deadly gore... A gun will splay the deadly gore
- but is this not a quatrain, rather than a limerick?

who knew death and much about it ... to my ear there’s a syllable missing between ‘and’ and ‘much’ ..

i like the first and last ones
love judy
xxx

ta

that's precisely the feedback I was looking or. And quite correct.

That's why I haven't awarded the prize yet.

oh? -

what prize?
xxx

oops

sorry - didn't notice this was a workshop... too late to join?
xxx

the workshop has been closed for a while

just waiting on me to decide amongst the non-voters, which I am loathe to do.
The prize is a glam-rock t-shirt (with nipples) previously worn by me (freshly worn or washed, winners choice)

Jess on a serious note dont gloat:-

I hereby have to be withdrawn
From serious limericks prize unworn
As my trouble and strife
Would take my life
If that T shirt I was to adorn

J Sparrow

Gnarly slash of work!

old chum of mine had cancer..hardrock railroader on the bush edge
had it terminal...no way he was going out like that
leaned over a barrel with a stick of dynamite
they found his railroad watch on the road of all places
it could have just went anywhere
just down from his place a spell
He went out with a bang...the way he wanted it
he was a a chum of mine
Ich hatt meinen kammeraden

grind it out to our ends I say

loud...i wear the seventies dress
shirts cranked open
with some kind of trinket on a chain
or string...masculines love it
we compare...
and the ladies come up close
hand on chest and move their
fingers on the treasures
had one that liked my nipples

In winter i wear t shirts
SAN DIEGO and or the Pirate
Skull shirts...the dress shirts
there were some ladies who
would do up the buttons
chide me...or the me would
adjust the collars like a team
heading out street or patrol
checking your pack

winter out here i run with jacket
open...chest out clunking along
saturday night fever walk

the glamor times come and
gone but there are those still
love to see it..shaking their
heads but they smile
wanna be a part of it

excellent limerick
stalwart and smart
i love shocking my crowds
here

the humor is not gone
although socially its fading

excellent Poem
Jess

Mr Steven!

An Excellent poem

Very well thought and crafted.