Poem Body
I can't remember
the shape of your eyes
but the glance I still do
as beautiful as invisible
as calm as afraid
Because here
in the mountain
darkness is draping me with fear
And I feel that someone is walking behind me
If I turn back
I extinguish myself
I cease
Comments
I believe,
I believe the first verse is perfect, and could stand on its own. The second verse is also powerful, but i think the ending could be ( If i turn to you, I extinguish, I cease. ) But please these are only suggestions, this is a lovely poem as it is. Love Roscoe..
Roscoe
I like your suggestions but it's a bit late for any change here
it's already published
'If I turn to you' sounds great
but never mind
glad you like it
Emina, you have already published this
why did you choose the option
Editing stage:
Editing - rough draft
?
You know you can edit the poem on Neopoet, that is what we are here for.
It is why we are here.
Emina
What can I say? Nothing. Just applaud.
Keep posting such poems the style of which is ummmmmmmmm shall i say bewitching or bewildering or both?
raj
you have just said what I want to hear
thank you !
Emina
Glad to know that I read your poem correctly and that my comment was spot on. Keep posting more. I would latch onto them pronto :)
Emina
Bravo! Another applause from me.
Alid