When the last fish is eaten,
From a billionaire's raised fork,
And the water is poison,
Will humans become pork?
When money's merely paper,
With pictures of our past,
On plastic-painted vapour,
The future comes too fast.
When the final tree dies,
And Earth turns to dust,
Lay down, never rise,
Stay silent, in death, we trust.
Last Few Words: Today it has been announced that temperatures for the year 2023 exceeded 1.5 degrees the Paris Agreement said we had to stop. My poem, Global Warning, would appear to have arrived too late. I don't want to change the title to Global Warming, I think global warning holds more urgency and we can all see the effects of this failure.
Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Global Warning" uses strong imagery and a clear message to express concerns about environmental degradation and its impact on humanity. The use of rhetorical questions in the first and second stanzas effectively engages the reader and encourages contemplation about the consequences of our actions.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme. The first stanza follows an ABAB rhyme scheme, but this pattern is not maintained in the following stanzas. Consistency in rhyme and rhythm can enhance the musicality of the poem and make it more engaging for the reader.
The metaphor of money as "plastic-painted vapour" is intriguing but may be confusing to some readers. Clarifying or expanding on this metaphor could make the poem more accessible and impactful.
Lastly, the final line "Stay silent, in death, we trust" is a powerful ending but may benefit from rephrasing for clarity. The phrase "in death, we trust" could be interpreted in various ways, and it's unclear how it relates to the rest of the poem. Making this connection clearer could strengthen the overall message of the poem.
Overall, the poem effectively communicates a critical message about environmental issues. With some adjustments to rhythm, rhyme, and clarity, it could be even more impactful.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Dear Ruby,
the truth is on the page...the point of no return! I will probably not see the end, I am too old. But I did see the writing on the wall. I signed my protests...did what I could. But the greedy wer too strong. I hope they are the last to go... I am heartbroken.
*hugs, Cat
Hi Cat, we are all calling
Hi Cat, we are all calling for change but it is those in charge of governments that will do nothing. They are in the pockets of fossil fuel and every other big business money making scheme available. Take care, Ruby :) xx
Global Warning
Hi, Ruby,
Perfect title. Can't help but think of The Lorax. You've hit the mark.
Thank you,
Lx
Hi Lavender, sorry for my
Hi Lavender, sorry for my tardy response, but thank you for your read and comment. The Lorax, I'll have to check that out. Ruby :) xx
Global warming
For sure but the billionaires don't see a thing wrong with it! Your poem said it all. Very powerful.
Thank you RoseBlack for
Thank you RoseBlack for reading and commenting. Yes, we have people who lack all responsibility while the rest of us try to do our bit, recycling, car emmissions and using less energy. Our politicans carry on as if there's nothing wrong. They only pay lip service to the current crisis, but there again, many of them are so rich they don't care about the future for our children. :( xxx
I really enjoyed your poem.
I really enjoyed your poem. Seeing the daily news I think you hit the mark displaying modern day thoughts about what is happening!
Thank you Clentin for reading
Thank you Clentin for reading and commenting. Looking at our world has it changed drastically with global warming and the effects of fossil fuel. We can only hope the future brings new ideas and changes this. That will be down to our politicians? Ruby :) xx
If it is up to our
If it is up to our politicians alone-we are in trouble! Unless there is a great deal of money to be earned by them!
Working together a significant part of Democracy seems to be lost!
It's Too Bad...
It's too bad that we have to take the rest of the world with us. This poem adds a great deal of detail to a scenario that I've come to believe is our fate. Imagine you are looking at our world from a million miles away. You don't see the detail. What you see is an infection that, like a bacterial culture in a petri dish, consumes everything and dies from the toxicity of its own waste. That is what I've come to view the human race as and we are killing our world with our toxicity.
It is a very black future that your poem describes very well. I wish I could see a way out of it.
Hi Steve, you've been
Hi Steve, you've been watching The Matrix again haven't you? On a more serious note, I agree with you. We are the problem, and we continue to allow others to flex their greed muscles at our expense. I think it's too late now; war, famine, and dictators taking control. I don't like to think about the future. Ruby :) xx
Ruby Lord
What a statement, but there are fools and wisemen who have been warning us for decades. The oppulent may
someday consume our flesh as pork, truly? Kind of a scarey deal. All I can say is help the dude next to you now, today!
Hi Leslie, thank you for your
Hi Leslie, thank you for your read and comment, I appreciate that.
Did you think my message was clear and did my intention come across strong enough? Ruby :) xx
Ruby Lord
Definately clear and I think, in all honesty some people need a good shaking. Thanks for valuing my input.
My pleasure Leslie. I
My pleasure Leslie. I appreciate your valuable comments, Ruby :) xx
Ruby,
I read over this two times this morning and just thought we had better do a heads up, because it's coming our way!! Thanks for the WARNING!!! Great, great item of discussion as well as sentiment.