Candlewitch
Candlewitch
Nov 09, 2023
This poem is part of the contest:

Harvest Feast Image Prompt Contest

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Holiday At Grandma's House

Poem Body

Grandma's House

Grandma and the house, scented with
hunger-making baking smells.
This, and all her holiday fare
lovingly planned and created.
Browned skinned turkey roasting
basted with butter and natural juices.
Mingling aromas of pies, eggnog and bird
After grandma hugs, snuggling me.
we sit in the big rocking chair
together, eating warm cookies.
To my child's mind; this is heaven!

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda and many more.

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Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Holiday At Grandma's House" successfully utilizes sensory language to create vivid imagery. The use of phrases such as "scented with hunger-making baking smells" and "browned skinned turkey roasting" stimulate the reader's olfactory senses, effectively transporting them to the scene.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and meter. For example, the line "After grandma hugs, snuggling me" disrupts the flow due to its abruptness and lack of connection to the preceding or following lines.

Additionally, the poem could delve deeper into the emotional aspect of the experience. While the sensory details are rich, the emotional connection between the speaker and the grandmother could be further explored to add depth to the narrative.

Lastly, the use of punctuation is inconsistent. The poem lacks full stops at the end of each line, which can make it difficult for the reader to understand the intended pauses and breaks.

In conclusion, while the poem effectively uses sensory language, improvements can be made in the areas of rhythm, emotional depth, and punctuation.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

four to five years of grandma bliss to enjoy. I felt the "Prince of Hearts" in my grandmother's kingdom. I was the oldest of her grandchildren. I always helped in the kitchen on holidays, doing whatever I was asked to do. I loved being in the kitchen with her. Anyhow, I had nostalgic smells in my head! You took me down memory lane, and I enjoyed it very much.
~ Geez.
.

Leslie

wasn't the woman that anyone would expect to be found in a modern-day home.
we spent holidays on occasion frivolously feasting, but what I remember best was.
a woman who toiled to make everyone there feel at home. Someone who gave all
of her time and energy and selflessly gave dusk to dawn.

Candlewitch

thank you for sharing your memories of your Grandmother. she sounds wonderful! (I had a good grandma and a formidable one who did not like children.)

*hugs, Cat

RoseBlack

Christmas was always spent at my grandmother's. Thanksgiving my mom always cooked. It was a time when family acted like family and everyone came together and got along. All the smells and that warm feeling I always got from being at her house. Thank you for having me remember things I had put on the back burner. Well done.

Candlewitch

we had just the opposite, with thanksgiving at grandma's! my dad cooked our feast for christmas (mom/Norma was a horrible cook!) I the youngest, was his kitchen assistant, lol! I hope your memories are sweet. thank you for the response!

*love, Cat