Hum drum

We have the right
To take flight
In the pursuit of freedom

Vacate this. Pointless conformity
Expand our chests
And experience the length and breadth of it all

very well penned!!!

always, Cat

A lovely picture of the lives we fall into and accept as everyday things.
If only we had the guts to leave and go out, where we would find maybe a fresh life that gave us a little excitement.
Probably why a lot of us write poetry as it is an escape from those places be it only a short one.
I send you the flowers of our spring and the songs of the birds outside my window telling stories of struggles and a new life to be, Yours Ian.T

And here I was expecting an ode to the vibrator rotflmao. But this is really good even to an old perverted rhymer........stan

favourite lines in a great write
‘Passed out, strung out
Apathetic, the throb and dull ache
Braking our will’
‘Braking our will’ – is this intentional word play or a typo?
- say it is clever word play lou :)

‘The hum drum glum
Low down days
Buzz and hum
Drone on and on’
to avoid the repeating of hum,
can I suggest ‘thrum’ for the second one?

‘Zapping and snapping nerves brittle’ – reverse syntax – sounds awkward (imho of course lol)
any reason for not saying it as ‘Zapping and snapping brittle nerves’ ?

i enjoyed this
- some good internal rhymes, asssonance, alliteration etc
gave it a great sound
love judy

My mind was tap dancing with the words in the first four llnes,
I agree with you here, as you know by now with my explosions.

"Zapping and snapping nerves
Brittle in the chill of reality" I've changed the place of brittle?
I think it give the sentence here more impact.

Nordic cloud

True.

Terrific poem, on what is most of our lives.Regards Roscoe...

Half way through I was hating it then it grabbed me and shook me, brilliant!
it was starting out as a pure dpression poem
: but you brought the edginess and life that exists even in deep depression back into it. I love it

imagine how I felt
when this poem lept at me
Wow Lou!
this is great

like rushing a rapids
with a pocket full of stones
before long I was paddling
fast!!

Thanks