Poem Body
as long as you want me to
love you and longer still
i will stand by your side
for eternity if you will
see the longing i have for you
as i look deep in your eyes
i feel a spiritual connection
once born that never dies
Jun 21, 2011
i will love you
About This Poem
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Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
faith
i liked this a lot .
If i may suggest something, the first stanza is written in enjambment, but i don't think it was your intention.
I think just my opinion that it might sound better like this:
"as long
as you want me to love you.
longer stilli will I stand
by your side for eternity,
if you will
see the longing i have for you
as i look deep in your eyes
i feel a spiritual connection
once born that never dies"
The "if you wil" now works for the ending of the first stanza and the beginning of the second stanza.
I hope you don't mind me taking the liberty to rearrange your poem, I didn't want to change a word because they are good ones.
link: http://www.poetryarchive.org/poetryarchive/glossaryItem.do?id=8102
Regards
Eddie
very nice
nicey
Dear Faithmarie,
Sweet, and very nicely done!
always, Cat
Faithmarie
the poem very nicely depicts the essence of true unconditional love..you may give a thought to the suggestion made by Eddie about linking the two stanzas..