Tigger Kaz
Tigger Kaz
May 01, 2023
This poem is part of the contest:

May 2023 New Member Contest 🏆 Winner

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I'm Sorry

Poem Body

I'm sorry I couldn't face the world today,
And instead, I wished it all away.

Couldn't wrestle into day clothes today,
So in my night clothes, I did stay.

I'm sorry that my pain consumed me,
And I wasn't filled with glee.

Couldn't fight the feelings inside me,
Yes, I know that you find it hard to see.

I'm sorry that my pains are hidden,
Like a secret that's forbidden.

Isn't visual like a depression,
Yet it's as awful by its progression.

I'm sorry that I'm not always strong,
And I know that you must think it’s wrong.

Truly I wish it wouldn't persist,
It isn't something I can resist.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Coventry, England, GBR

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "I'm Sorry" is a heartfelt and honest portrayal of the struggles that come with dealing with emotional pain. The use of simple language and short, concise lines effectively convey the speaker's feelings of frustration and helplessness. The repetition of "I'm sorry" throughout the poem adds a sense of guilt and shame, which are common emotions that often accompany mental health struggles.

One possible line edit could be to change "Yes, I know that you can't see" to "I know it's hard for you to see". This change would acknowledge that the speaker understands that mental health struggles can be difficult for others to comprehend, while also expressing empathy for their loved ones who may be struggling to understand.

Overall, "I'm Sorry" is a powerful poem that sheds light on the often-hidden struggles of mental illness. It is a reminder to be kind and understanding towards those who may be going through a difficult time, even if we cannot fully understand their pain.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

many do not see, there are those of us that struggle every day. I get it! I know that you know, how difficult that it is for us to go on. Having to 'present' to the rest of the world, while suffering the doubt about who we are, and needing the interaction of others, is an all- consuming job, that takes a great deal of strength; witness those who seem to suffer from this malady the most, the best of comedians and the ones who make us laugh and think. Your next to last line, could use an [It] in the beginning, to make it smoother., other than that, I find this a pretty good piece of work. I hope that you may find a modicum of relief here at Neo. Keep writing and you will find at least a little satisfaction, I guarantee it! ~ Geezer.
.

Tigger Kaz

Thank you for your feedback.
Poetry literally saved me. Propels me through each day.
I try to write at least one poem a day, if I can.

Lavender

Hello, Tigger,
The rhyme scheme and the short lines give a direct approach and a clear message to your poem. I very much like the title, and the theme is relatable. You've brought a strong personal depth to the piece. I'm wondering if the last two lines would feel a bit more final if they were switched?
Thank you,
Lavender

Candlewitch

I completely understand the honest feelings and thoughts of this piece. I feel the same, for poetry has saved me, too! poetry an musical lyrics. it is very nice to meet you. I know that I will enjoy your poems to come. welcome to Neopoet.

*hugs, Cat