Intimacy

Poem Body

Clock strikes ten
It is time for bed
You lay down beside me
On my pillow you rest your head
On your right shoulder
My head, I fondly place
You lower your eyes
And look at my face

Your eyes look amused
Smile dances on the lips
When I touch the curls
On your chest with finger tips
It feels so perfect
Too good to be true
I tremble with joy
My veins, as it runs through

All though it all feels
So marvellously right
I know it’s only a dream
One I’ve seen every night
I don’t dare flick my eyes
I’d snap out, I fear
From this wonderful sweet dream
I’ve seen too many years

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: LKA

Comments

Lovely, Nilmini!

Alternate titles-
"Intimacy"
or
"Intimations of Intimacy"
?

Thanks

Thank you Jess. Yes! I like your 1st suggestion 'Intimacy' as the title. Pls tell me how I can make the change.
Cheers.

Yes!!

I've managed to make the change in the title. Thanks again Jess.

Hello!

and welcome to Neopoet!

You have penned a sweet dream for the reader to partake of. A hint of sadness at the end:

I don’t dare flick my eyes
I’d snap out, I fear
From this wonderful sweet dream
I’ve seen too many years

Nice title you have chosen with Jess' help. I'm wondering if this line:
"It’s time to go to bed"
could be changed to:
It's time for bed"
I just think it sounds better, but it is your opinion that counts. I like the content, as I'm a sucker for a well written love poem. :)

always, Cat

Thanks dear Cat

I agree that the 2nd line sound very childish and should be changed. I think it'll sound better if it's changed to go as 'It is time for bed'. Yes, there is sadness at the last part although most of my friends wanted me to go on giving more details of the dream. ; )
Luv

you are so intimate.......Inspired by you ...

you are so intimate

that's what I thought
as I stepped forward
my chest seemed to be caught
in the lengthy nails
I imagined to be, too true
yes that's true,
then a side twists of my body
upon yours curvaceous
jerked me off
as you tried to too,
but sudden transformation of a reality,
to a dream that now say you,
made me go down the corridors
naked to scream
foul play upon my nerves
I did display,
how could you place
my thoughts in disarray?
to calm me down to look like a fool
Imagining in my dreams
Sweety twas really you