Poem Body
first look
an impression
second one
a perception
eyes closed
an image
re-opened
a blank
a dream?
may be
a nightmare?
know not
what then?
um disbelief
of what?
um peace
Aug 28, 2018
Intrigue
About This Poem
Last Few Words: this is about those kids who are born to the sound of guns and know not what is peace
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Hello raj
I've played a little with some verses. Please feel free to tell me I'm not on the right track. I know I'm not. Please ignore the suggestions altogether.
re-opened
a blank [destruction
a dream?
may be [No]
a nightmare?
hope not [I hope] as a nightmare is still safer than destruction.
what then?
um disbelief
of what?
um peace
Hi ula
actually my original choice was "know not" instead of "hope not" but stayed with hope not being not sure if others would read it the same way you and I feel....do you think chosing the middle line "know not" would be better?
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O raj_sublime
your absence has been marked
once a guy wrote to me
I am intrigued
not really knowing his intention... i looked up the thesaurus... o what a relief now i understood this
real relief
Thanks Lovedly
for reading..hope reading "last few words" helped
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If
to show the sense of bewilderment and that someone is really confound, I say yes, it makes a difference.
ok...i now switched to "know
ok...i now switched to "know not"
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Thanks Mark
for taking time to visit this page and your good words.....I do agree the small change between Um and hmm....i thought Umm suggest a contemplative mood whereas hmmmm to be more like acceptance mood....don't know if my perception is right..
thanks again..
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