June 2023 Challenge Write your epitaph

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the last curve

Poem Body

Here she lies,
all broken and battered
after a night she will not soon forget.
Her lover in trouble and full of regret,
he now thinks they should of just watched the sunset.
Alas, they may still be here if it weren't
for his corvette.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I'm not sure how I feel about this edit, please be gently honest. Thank you

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Oregon, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: I love Ullie Kaye. I feel like she gets right into my soul and puts a soothing salve upon it and its sadness. I feel like she can see into me and she gets it.

Comments

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Thank you for sharing your poem "the last laugh". The brevity of the poem is effective in conveying a sense of finality and closure. The use of rhyme and alliteration in the first two lines creates a musicality that contrasts with the dark subject matter. However, the poem's meaning is not entirely clear. It seems to suggest that the woman has somehow gotten revenge on her lover, but the exact nature of this revenge is left open to interpretation. Adding more detail or context to the poem could help clarify its meaning and make it more impactful. Overall, this is a promising start to a poem that could benefit from further development.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

You got it wrong Neopoet chatbot

She drove both of them both into a brick wall!!

Great poem - brief and to the point - this is clearly your epitaph - sounds like you ought to write his as well.

thank you

thanks a bunch, I will make some edits to be more clear but i assumed, wrongly, that it was implied that he beat her and she took revenge upon her death bed, allegedly. thank you for the feedback as well Entend2u. I thought it was cute.

thank you

Dear Tiffany

I think the first five lines stand on their own, but those two end lines have me confused,

If she got her revenge? wouldn't it be

"He" may still be here if it weren't
for his corvette.

Not

"She" may still be here if it weren't
for his corvette.

I maybe a little too tired its after 1am here but those last two lines threw me. I think this poem has some potential. I look forward to reading the edits.

Kind Regards

Seren

seren

thank you. that was not my intention to put "her", will edit. I am glad you noticed it.

Dear Tiffany

That is the joy of this workshop we help each other craft magnificent poetry. When I started here I was at best a middling poet. They have helped me so much and made me the poet I am today.

Hugs I'm glad I could help that one change will make a huge difference to this poem and raise it to another level.

Hugs it's lovely to have you here.

Seren/Jayne x

seren

thank you. I appreciate that. I'm glad to be here.