Rula
Rula
Aug 23, 2012
This poem is part of the workshop:

RHYME PATTERNS (part 1) let's begin

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Let go (Rhyme Patterns #1) Last edition

Poem Body

A true fact of life is:
It's not always black or white,
but a mix of this and that-right,
which is, I trust, a bliss.

So when the woes grow, swell
find a way to your young heart.
Let no pain incise that part,
let no troubles there dwell.

Clean the stains of hatred,
in love's sponge let all that go.
Wipe out the tears of sorrow,
time needs not be wasted.

Now, hurry up! come on dear
put your helpful hand in mine.
Ways with gold shall ever shine
when good intentions clear.

When happiness lingers,
don't think of the poor, ill past.
Don't moan or cross the fingers
in morrow place your trust.

Come on, let go,
when pristine twilights show.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and , Poets are humanity when the world lose it.

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Comments

S

Starting with abba pattern then using near rhymes then actually changing pattern went a good ways toward eliminating the SS in this...............................stan

Rula

Rula

12 years 8 months ago

I'm happy to know it somehow met the requirements and wonder if there would be a further discussion just as a conclusion to make it clear what elements strengthen and lessen the ss sound other than what has already been mentioned.

Should say that I have really enjoyed your workshop and I'm looking forward for more advanced ones.
Thanks for your efforts

S

I'm pleased you enjoyed the torture lol. I think it might be best to delay discussion of other methods of pattern use until the start of the shop which will deal with them. But to give a tiny preview it will include but not be limited to using 5-6 line stanzas and carrying rhyme from one stanza to the next..........................stan

judyanne

and i may be wrong rula
but it seems to me that this is almost an entirely different poem

just take the first two verses

first version -
Slam your heavy pains, woes
for nothing merits pain
A pristine twilight shows
a promisin' day to gain.

Clean the smell of hatred
with love we better grow
time should never be wasted
profit in the morrow.

second version –
A true fact of life is:
It's not always black or white,
but a mix of this and that-right,
which is, I trust, a bliss.

So when the woes grow, swell
find a way to your young heart.
Let no pain incise that part,
let no troubles there dwell.

so I find it difficult to compare the two for development of less ss
this poem is less ss, of course, but I’m not really able to say that you have made the first poem less, if you know what I mean?

love judy
xxx

Rula

Rula

12 years 8 months ago

Concerning the first two stanzas but it's almost the same towards the end. I just tried to remove the halmarky sense by adding those stanzas plus Stan said we can add to our old ones,didn't he?

S

Yes I did. And it's often difficult to make radical changes to rhyme patterns without also affecting the poem itself. Especially since thist shop contains as few options as it does. But don't fear making further changes as you see fit in this poem, I know I'm still tinkering with mine lol............stan