Lifeline

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively uses vivid imagery and emotive language to convey a sense of despair and longing for help. The metaphor of a "lifeline" is a powerful one, suggesting a desperate need for support and connection.

The phrase "drowning in my own tears" is repeated twice, which emphasizes the speaker's emotional state. However, it could benefit from some variation to avoid redundancy and to further develop the metaphor. For example, the second instance could be replaced with another image that conveys the same sense of overwhelming sorrow but in a different way.

The use of the clock and the pendulum as symbols of time passing slowly is effective in conveying the speaker's sense of anticipation and dread. However, the phrase "the clock, it moves so slowly" could be rephrased to avoid the unnecessary use of "it" after the comma, which disrupts the flow of the poem.

The poem could also benefit from a more consistent use of rhyme and rhythm. While the poem does not strictly adhere to a specific rhyme scheme or meter, there are instances of end rhyme (e.g., "thread" and "again", "sing" and "end") and internal rhyme (e.g., "fray" and "mate"). Making these instances more consistent throughout the poem could enhance its musicality and make it more engaging to read.

The poem ends on a powerful note with the repeated plea for a lifeline. However, the ellipsis at the end could be replaced with a full stop to give a sense of finality to the speaker's plea, which could make the ending more impactful.

Overall, this poem effectively conveys a sense of despair and longing for help through vivid imagery and emotive language. With some minor revisions, it could be even more powerful and engaging.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I read your poem and answered in a p.m.

*love, Cat

What an aching cry for help! The desparation is almost palpable. It brings forth the image of someone sitting alone and praying for help and not really expecting any. it makes the reader want to shout "I'm here. Let me help." A very effective poem.

A call from your heart. Raw and painful.
For me, it encapsulates that time in all our lives when we don't know how to get out of that moment/space/hollowness. And, of course, it always seems like no-one is there and your poem reflects that, simply and truly, the loneliness of that space.

So much love to you, to your beautiful self.

Jenifer

and visceral! Just know that there are indeed, people that care. Yes, we all shout, "I am here, let me help." We also know that
there is not much you will let us do, because you don' want to "bother" anyone with your troubles. I can always send Killer.
Just let me know when to send him. You can take the kids out for ice cream or something. Actually, I wish it were that easy.
The lines that go:
"Broken soul
Hanging by a thread
The edges fray and thin
And try to mate again"

They speak to me, they scream of trying to keep control, they say, I'm just barely managing.
I hear you, I do. I see nothing to improve, nothing to change. This is as good as one gets! ~ Geez.
.

So very raw, Carrie. Well written. I hope time heals the place where this poem lives. Sending you a lifeline of warm, positive thoughts.
Take good care,
Lx