Poem Body
There in a reddened aristocratic armchair
lied the brittle heartbroken body of Tim Raines.
Holding within his hand an olden golden glass
glimmering back those mournful memories
that he wishes had come to pass .
But instead they linger like a flame thriving and striving
throughout the morbid realms of midnight.
Comments
hello Edward,
I would put the words ( Tim) and (Raines) on the same line if that is a person's name. favorite lines:
But instead they linger like a flame lingering and striving
throughout the morbid realms of midnight.
*hugs, Cat
p.s.
I would like to read your thoughts and comments on my poems, if you are up for it! thank you.
Thank you friend
Tim Raines is a name and I’ll fix it
Again thank you . Now I got the thought of this poem while watching the movie.
The snows of killamanjaro . And once I got the thought I wrote it down and grew on it .
hello again,
we can get ideas for writing a poem from many sources ;) even from reading other poet's work here at Neopoet!
*hugs, Cat
*
My interjection is:
There in a reddened aristocratic armchair
Lied the brittle heartbroken body of Tim Raines.
I think line two is a continuation of line one? Or the upper case here on 'Lied' depicts an effect? If not, it dismembers your line of continuity!
Thank you!
A very good...
presentation of the thoughts
behind the movie!
The proper use of [lied] would be [lay]
Your use of alliteration is very good in this piece
and kind of makes it so well done.
The line that goes: But instead they linger like a flame lingering and striving...
could be better if you deleted the second [lingering], so that it reads as;
But instead they linger as a flame, striving throughout the morbid ralms of midnight.
All-in-all, a good piece. ~ Geez.
.
Thank you
My second inspiration was the song good thing going from merrily we roll along .
Which both that musical and the snows of Kilimanjaro are talking about a person looking back at their lives leading up to the present.
https://youtu.be/kb01cq2OsyQ