hippiemoon
Apr 22, 2024
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoet Weekly Contest 04/21/24 to 04/27/24

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Love Me Painfully

Poem Body

I want you to love me painfully.
I want your throat raw after screaming you love me.
I want your heart bloody with all the love it pumps out.
I want your bones aching when I’m not there for you to hold.

I want you to love me painfully
Because that is how I will love you.
I will bandage you up
And kiss your scars
And love you gently.

I want you to love me gently.
I want your hands softly tracing the outline of my body.
I want your lips kissing every inch of skin, and whispering sweet nothings.
I want your eyes looking into mine, and lighting up when you see me.

I want you to love me gently
Like a lazy Sunday afternoon
One we’ve lived before.
Sun on my back,
Let me lay out like a cat
As you play with my hair
And I sleep on your chest.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I’ve been inactive because of school, so sorry!!

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

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Comments

Geezer

I almost didn't understand where you were coming from with this one; but I was called away from my desk
and when I came back, to reread what I had read, I found a whole new understanding of what the point was.
It was deeper than I first thought. I felt the emotion of separation so painfully, that I saw beneath the obvious to the core of idea. Excellent! ~ Geez.
.

Lavender

Hello, hippiemoon,
I hope school is going well!
This feels like a couple different scenarios to me - love from a distance, hoping for the real thing or the heartache after a breakup. "Like a lazy Sunday afternoon, one we've lived before..." Very passionate and vulnerable.
Thank you,
L

H

Thank you for your comment! Finals week is coming up so hopefully I’ll have more time to get back to writing after that! I’ve definitely missed this community.

Best,
hippiemoon

T

Hello hippiemoon

Since the poem seems about gentilness, I am having difficulty with the pain emphasis. the imagies concerning gentleness is very evocative and appealing. perhaps pain is a poetic device to contrace the pole opposite, gentleness. I think in stanza two talk of pain and then the needed healing does not come over so well. If I change the word painfully with powerfully it works better for me. As it seems this loving painfully is only showing the PHYSICAL results of loving powerfully

H

Hi Tyro,
The “pain” in this scenario is more an emphasis on how hardly I wish to be loved, not my partner feeling actual pain. I don’t know if that makes it any clearer? Thank you for reading!!

Best,
hippiemoon

K

This is deep and beautifully written. My partner always says "My love for you is hostile", in that, he would tear the world apart if it meant he could see me smile. I'm still trying to figure out if that's healthy or not, but for the time being, I'll take it.

M

LOVE this poem. so beautifully written!!
my favorite lines are:

I want you to love me gently
Like a lazy Sunday afternoon
One we’ve lived before.
Sun on my back,
Let me lay out like a cat

I always look forward to reading your works!!
best,
MM