Poem Body
did they say
in a forest somewhere in Vietnam,
loud voices yelling
Loved, loved ,
Loved you are not loved
so come out
I came and they shot many a round
all went around
no sound
nor bullets found
no round was found
nor was Loved around
the fired shots woke me
and so tis here
what you asked of me
but I am not to quote the word
you told me,
tis this, just composed it
how is it
the rounds appear to be
still flying!
Then I woke up and it was just a dream
Comments
A disturbing and rather good poem
Dream poems are problematic though. Remember the worst ever ending to a short story?
"Then I woke up and it was just a dream"
I think the poem would be much better if you deleted the first and last lines.
This is unlike your usual style and I like it very much.
aye aye Sir!
you mentioned some where
I am a machine gun US... poet
thus I took a lead
and forced it into an imaginary dream,..
and
you said in poetry never use
''poetry or poet ''
so tis a composition in silence..
Am I now not listening
Jess Sir?
You are listening
and I think you are becoming a much better poet.
I don't want to impose my thinking on you, but our purpose in Neopoet is to try to help each other. If I help at all I am deeply honoured.
I must now admit
without Jess
I'm naught
Soon I will compose a poem
where -in I hope to bring out
lessons what Jess has taught me
and many will agree
a white hot iron hammered well
can be created into a beauty
like me!
hmmm
another type of poem I have yet to write. Nice one. Thanks for sharing.
Alid
do maintain your own identity
as you climb up the poetry tree