Poem Body
the magician
inticing those who dare
enter the tent
enter the life
prefomance
being everyone and anyone all at once
acquiring attention, a manipulation
graciously given
dollars
time
trust
in hopes of entertainment, some fulfillment
it’s an illusion
smoke and mirrors
fake things appearing real
the lies and tricks are self comforting
the horrors here are real
vivid
dark
unrelenting nightmares
the frightened patrons hide their eyes
many run from the horror truth
few hold out to see the act end
to find out what truly happens behind the scenes
Comments
to me
this reads more as a rant.
Seems that you're protesting against all the fake things all around us.
I think you need to do some culling, and choose what you think makes the core of your poem
to give this piece a polish .
Klo
I have sent you a PM on this piece, the theme is great, it is just that the words need to be there to let others enjoy the read.
As Rula said it came out as a little rant, that sounded like a disappointment at some time, and this reflected in its presentation,
Yours Ian.T
Ian
I thought we would all make benefit if you just put your suggestions here instead of pming them.Then we can all make benefit, can't we?
Rula
I rewrote it as a poem like one I would write, so it would not be correct of me to put it on this part of the stream as a comment.
I can send you a copy and then you will see why,
Take care young lady,
Yours Ian.T
the poem is a reflection.
the poem is a reflection.
im the magician a preformer being anyone other then myself. ive been hurt many times in my life, so i hide who i truely am. People try to get to know be but its mostly fake. They spend time with me in hopes of something and it never lasts becuase i lack trust. When i start to open and revel the real me, giving glimpes into my past many dont hang around for very long. Hence the meaning of an act ending, when i truely trust you enough to see who i really am,you see whats really happening behind the scenes.
You are one of the exciting new poets on this site
I love this work.
It has pace, value and meaning.
No crit, sorry.
Expect very different critiques here at Neopoet, we all have different ideas about poetry. Cherry pick what you regard as useful.
This is a hallmark
has a jagged sincerity which is rare in any poem nowadays.
Hi Klo
I would say that you intrigue me with your unique style and skill like Esker used to...
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