jane210660
jane210660
Aug 02, 2017

A Matter of Perspective

Poem Body

That moment past the
final flutter,
breathless rattle,
pulse extinct.
That
moment
where we
cease
to be.
Death, slips us into a perfect tense
leaving the dead
without past, present or future.
It hangs timeless
for all eternity.

Hello………...
can you hear me from over there?
You come to me in dreams
and we meet
in a shadowy, transient world.
Sometimes,
you drop by as I am sipping coffee,
reflecting.
You don’t stay for long
no need for another cup.
I am not frightened of death
because I know it is
just a passage
to a new life.

SoundCloud recording
https://soundcloud.com/user-391664655/death-a-matter-of-perspective

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Yorkshire England, GBR

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

go and listen to the recording on SoundCloud. I enjoyed the reading of it so much, that I had to see if it would stand up to the oral audio. It did! Very nice presentation. I like the death, the one that releases you to another world. Not the monster that Death is portrayed, by those who fear it.
There is one line that I just can't stop thinking about.
It is the one that goes : "which has no form". I just don't think that it is a necessary line.
Try it without that line, it still makes perfect sense. ~ Gee.
/.

jane210660

Yes I see what you mean, except I shall have to take two lines out - because
'which has no form
in the morning light'
They go together.
I'll have a little play later.
Always good to get your feedback, it's much appreciated.
Jx

Geezer

with just the one line gone, but it's your poem. And yes, this is the beauty of this site. We have a lot of different perspectives and we are free to examine them and use what we need and want out of the advice that we get. What could be better than that? ~ Gee.
.

brittle light

I am not frightened of death either, it's the dying part I'd rather skip.
Please make it quick.
Neither am I afraid of "being" dead
I won't even know I'm dead, 'cause I'll be dead!

...just my perspective. Your view sounds more exciting and adventurous,
but beliefs aren't chosen. I can't, for instance, choose to believe that the earth is flat, while still maintaining my rational integrity. The same holds true for an afterlife.

But this should be about your poetry, not my metaphysical ideas.
you write well, and have elucidated your perspective "divinely"

jane210660

Always a pleasure to hear from you.
Was just playing around with ideas in my head - in fact I sat down to write a poem about childhood holidays.........
the inside of my head must be very weird as this popped out instead.
Jx

S

Life is often defined by electrical activity within the body. (no, not vibrators lol). And death is ascertained by the cessation of this activity. The law of conservation of energy says energy can be neither created nor destroys but only changed. So what happens to a body's energy on death? I think it along with whatever the heck a soul is goes on , just not to place visible to us. Now to poem. line 6, that single word "moment"....I suggest leaving blank line both above it and below it to add impact.......stan

jane210660

Yes I see that would add impact, but I think it's also possible it would detach itself too completely from the poem.
I think having just the word on one line is probably enough.
Lovely to hear from you - as ever.
Jxx

lovedly

what is death
but electromagnetism
fading away

our lives are controlled by electromagnetic waves in sync with ethereal magnetic waves and we are operable by mechanical and chemical reactions.. our bodies being 80 percent fluid not necessarily water and when our positive energy totally merges with negative we simply pass away we came from the womb only by synchronicity of a moms' heart beat as we have nothing in commonality we are all an entity all by yourself..we are like dead rats if you have seen one upon soul i make no contest I suggest it's your own feeling O teacher poet.
I shall remove this communication once you have hammered me ...as in my blog i have stated no poetry will i post for 30 days.. help me keep my word o teacher poet...

Geremia

GENEROSITY

Tap, tap, tap
someone is at my back
i turn to see… nothing

Tap, tap, tap
an icy kiss
on my neck,

fire cold steals my breath
away.
my heart sickens to its depth.
“Not so soon Death;
I have another day”

yesterday was your last;
there are none left.

à La Fontaine [ la mort et le bucher\on