Ten years, I went with a sealed heart
living with the rules I had self-imposed.
Do not get too close or let "Him" in,
love is no option! This window is closed!
On my own having taken good care
not get mixed-up with yet another man.
Years in school, an associates degree
next, the Air Force and travel was my plan!
Having just met, I told of my goal
all through the night you worked to change my mind.
Through the day you convinced me to stay
for you could see that I was flying blind .
I stuck around, to learn about you ,
kindness in your smile and your quiet ways
talking and listening to each other
striking a chord, binds the rest of our days.
I had a rudder but I was a ship with no mast,
I found my superhero at last !
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Meeting My Superhero; Steven" presents a narrative of personal growth and discovery. However, there are areas that could be improved for clarity and impact.
1. Consistency in Structure: The poem lacks a consistent rhyme scheme and rhythm. This can make the poem feel disjointed and disrupt the flow for the reader. Consider revising to establish a more consistent structure.
2. Show, Don't Tell: The poem tends to tell the reader what is happening rather than showing it through vivid imagery or metaphor. For example, "having just met, I told of my goal" could be rephrased to something like "Our first meeting, my dreams spilled forth" to create a more vivid image.
3. Use of Cliché: The phrase "destiny opened the door" is a cliché. While clichés can sometimes be effective, they often lack originality. Consider revising this to create a more unique and impactful ending.
4. Character Development: The poem could benefit from more detailed characterization. The reader knows very little about "Steven" beyond his kindness and quiet ways. More specific details about his character could make the poem more engaging and emotionally resonant.
5. Punctuation: The poem could benefit from more consistent punctuation. Inconsistent punctuation can confuse the reader and disrupt the flow of the poem.
6. Word Choice: The poem could benefit from more varied and precise word choice. For example, "striking a chord" is a somewhat vague phrase that could be replaced with a more specific and evocative description.
In conclusion, while the poem has a compelling narrative, it could be improved by focusing on structure, imagery, avoiding clichés, character development, punctuation, and word choice.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
I love
The story of the two of you. As many times as I have heard it in your poems and in our conversations, I enjoy hearing it yet again. I can only hope to find a love like that.
Dear Carrie,
Thank you for your kindness and generosity, you are very sweet and I hope someday you find someone special who is worthy of you!
Old AI did not mention a word about meter (because I kept it tight!) LOL!
* hugs & love, Cat
AI
Has been surprisingly positive about my poetry. Usually it struggles to find any good but last few...it has been nicer.
I am glad...
for you. AI has never been good to me. This time I created a tight meter! But no mention of that! LOL!
You deserve all the best!
*love, Cat
I Think
(which likely surprises most people) that the better a writer you are the more AI expects from you
Dear Stan,
I strive to be better but I have an impediment. of having died for a few minutes when an artery was eaten into by an ulcer and a cretin amount of damage to the brain occurred. I had been a bloody mes...sprayed the walls with my blood. I was at the clinic to see a Dr. for a stomach pain when it happened, so I was lucky to be attended to in their emergency room. it happened on a Friday the 13th. was it my lucky day? I had to relearn many things...
*hugs, Cat xxx
Superhero
Hi, Cat,
Superhero, indeed! It's always wonderful to hear about true love!
Best to you both,
L
Dear Lavender,
Thank you for reading and giving me you comment. I do appreciate it, very much so!
*love, Cat
Oooh a sonnet type thing
It’s gorgeous and it’s lovely to read your writing as always. Please tell Steven I received the holiday letter and I’m wishing you guys a happy and safe new year. You hang tough, you’re so dear to me and the rest of us here.
Your friend and collaborator
Tim
My Dearest Tim,
Thank you for the "heads-up"! We have not heard from you for awhile. We have been missing you, dear boy! I would love to hear the tale of how you met your wife? if you have the time to write it? until then, take good care!
*love, Cat & Steven
What She Doesn't Mention...
What she doesn't mention is that, at the time that we met, I'd given up on ever finding anyone. I was 31 and painfully shy. At the time, she was riding a chopped KZ400 and I had a Honda 900C, which allowed her to invite me to ride with her motorcycle club. She was the inventor of the "wandering floozy" in Dungeons and Dragons. How could I resist her? As much as she believes that I saved her, she saved me. So it could be said that she is my superhero.
*hmmm,
It sounds like a very good story...maybe you should write it! (* hint, hint) it is something I would enjoy reading...
*love, (your) Cat
I love
Listening to both of you tell your stories. Reminds me of listening to my parents, who will be married fifty years this May, together almost fifty two. They were set up by my aunt, who was dating and eventually married my father's brother. She worked with my mom and my mom wanted nothing to do with my dad, lol. All these years later, they wouldn't know what to do without each other.
Dear Carrie,
I am so happy that we reminded you of a good over all memory. I would also enjoy hearing/reading in a poem.
*many hugs, Cat
True love stories
Are great! Maybe some day for me...
Sweet Carrie,
I hope so too!
*love, Cat
Congratulations, Cat!
And Steven, too! Well done, both of you!
L
Dear Lavender,
Thank you so very much, from both of us!
*hugs, Cat and Goofy
This feeling-
"Ten years, I went with a sealed heart
living with the rules I had self-imposed."
I know this well. Not for 10 years, my experience was a shorter span, but how you demonstrate the solving of the self-imprisonment through connection, kindness, and conversation - so true. It is a beautiful experience to find someone who is a living, breathing argument for love.
it is true,
I shut up my heart(to men) I treated them like they had done me, to be used and amused by. then I was all about education and getting a degree. I would have joined the Air Force after graduation, but Steven stopped me dead in my tracks! My heart flooded with warmth...
Thank you for reading so many of my poems, I really appreciate this.
*hugs, Cat