Kristen H.
Jun 22, 2024

Mistakes

Poem Body

My stomach turns
At the memory of loving you

I mistook the pain
For butterflies

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: USA - Georgia, USA

Favorite Poets: Lord Alfred Tennyson, Robert Frost, Allen Ginsberg, Walt Whitman , Misha Collins, John Donne

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Mistakes" presents a clear, concise, and emotionally resonant narrative. It effectively uses metaphor and imagery to convey the speaker's emotional state and experiences.

The first two lines set the scene and introduce the emotional context. They effectively establish a sense of regret and discomfort. However, the use of the phrase "my stomach turns" could be considered a bit cliché. Exploring more unique or unexpected ways to convey this feeling could enhance the poem's impact.

The second half of the poem introduces a compelling metaphor: mistaking pain for butterflies. This is a powerful image that effectively communicates the speaker's past naivety and the emotional pain they experienced. However, the transition between the two parts of the poem could be smoother. The abrupt shift from the physical sensation of the stomach turning to the metaphorical butterflies might be jarring for some readers.

The poem could also benefit from more development. While its brevity is one of its strengths, providing more context or exploring the speaker's emotions in more depth could make it even more impactful. For example, the poem could delve into why the speaker mistook pain for butterflies or how they came to realize their mistake.

Overall, the poem is a strong piece of work with a clear emotional core. With some refinement and development, it could be even more powerful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Mark

Mark

10 months ago

Those first butterflies... beware!

RoseBlack

That hide the red flags from our eyes. I get nauseated thinking about some of my past relationships and wonder where my head was at. That being said, we are human and naturally crave love, affection and acceptance even if it comes from the wrong places. Short yet powerful. Well done