China Blue
China Blue
Jun 30, 2015
This poem is part of the workshop:

Storytelling in Verse (sempiternal): The Horror Story

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From The Mist(Horror Story Workshop)

Poem Body

From The Mist

Ancient forrests grew thick and tall
upon this forrest a strange mist would fall
enshrouding all in a shimmering light
casting an eerie glow ,throughout the night

A creature emerges from the mist
with eyes ablaze as he spat and hissed
talons on the end of each sinewy hand
here the beast took it’s final stand

The rotten stench,of burning flesh
is interwoven in the mesh
of this ageless ones being
known by all,yet never seen

A scourge upon the earth and man
a plague to all,since time began
a flash of lightening and roll of thunder
a prelude to the siege they would be under

Memories of not so long ago,the villagers had
of a bright summer day, turned dark and sad
pieces of bodies covered the ground
half eaten corpses,hung upside down

Screams of agony were heard far and wide
so few were left to fight side by side
then as quickly as it began
the beast had vanished from the land

Now he makes his nightmarish return
to torture ,maim ,kill and burn
fight fire with fire the people say
a daunt full task,for they had not the way

Death and destruction hung heavy on the air

About This Poem

Last Few Words: It doesn't get any more rough then this unfinished work and it really needs more constructive in put guys Hey Killer I need some help here

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: North Carolina, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allen Poe, James Patterson, Dean Koontz, Leonard Cohen

More from this author

Comments

L

Lonnie

9 years 10 months ago

I like the premise of the piece, but feel that the actual "Horror" of it is a bit too contrived. ( don't smack me, its only an opinion! ) LOL!! Like you said, its a rough draft and I'm sure others will add their input to help you make it something really scary indeed!

China Blue

yep really rough. Can't wait for killers input and yes I agree with you but I'm not one for writing horror unless I let Damien Stryker in lol

Sparrow

I suppose you two will have the computer blessed after these two writes.
I shall call in Arnie to sort this one out, he's good at jungle creatures lol
More close encounters would liven this one up a bit, use the claws a bit and watch the flesh peel as they draw bloody lines deep, what a fun day,
Take care Both, Yours, Ian

China Blue

EWWWWWWW but I guess that is what is needed will bear that in mind. will get to yours this evening (docs appt)

alidzain

''to torture ,mame,kill and burn''

err is 'mame' spelled wrongly? I checked the dictionary.com for its meaning and it says
''a female given name.'' I think it should be ''maim''

Suggestion, - describe what happened to one of its victims to emphasize the horror that he/she felt.

Alid

China Blue

ok I see where you want to take this. Yes all three of you suggested I narrow my field more and
concentrate more specifically on the blood and gore can't spend to much time here yet will be back this evening

China Blue

yes yes I just got back to this today(evening) will correct on the next round

S

I'll not mention typos because I know this is going to be rewritten. Details, details. Where did this thing roam? What is it called or what does it call itself? How often does it emerge and does it do so only at certain times of year? Is it one of many or a unique thing? Will stan ever stop asking questions?...............stan

China Blue

yep feeling somewhat better(have an ugly virus maybe it will help me write more ugly)
fixed the typos

Barbara Writes

I see the horror, maybe captured in one stanza and unsuspected will send the heart rate jumping pumping blood. Shock me all at once with the scenes you have rather than passively spoken I think. Then I don't know much about writing horror just in my head

judyanne

and 'the beat had vansihed'

You either wrote this in a hurry, or you're doing a Lewis Carrol Chrys xxx

Blood and gore horror - not my favourite genre, but you have done it well, i think
love judy
xxx

wesley snow

but as Stan said this is an on going work. They will be proofread out.

Here's my thought.
I write my big poem two ways. One is "from the air" and the other "on the ground".
In the air is a broad stroke. The story moves fast without a lot of detail. It's necessary when I need a lot of story told quickly that would bore bogged down in details.
On the ground is down and dirty. I'm holding conversations, having sword fights and on and on.
I agree with everyone who felt you needed to get "on the ground" for a short time and get down and dirty.
Don't abandon the air shots. Like in the beginning I think it necessary, but maybe we could hear one person scream while...

lonlyhrtsclub13

lonlyhrtsclub13

9 years 9 months ago

This is a fantastic theme. Very mythological/beowulf. Almost a creation story. Would enjoy some more background on the creature, perhaps a reason for his wrath. I'm a blood and guts writer so more gore is always welcome.

China Blue

ok I was just now thinking about how I will continue with this I have a difficult time with the blood and guts but that is what this workshop is all about thanks for your input

lonlyhrtsclub13

Figure out what works for your style. Mine is usually emotion driven and spills out onto paper in a rage filled chaotic sort of way. Some of the scariest stories are those that are the most subtle....

wesley snow

I think horror can be precisely what you told me. Subtle. Sneaky. Hidden and guessed at. Blood and gore is fun, but not necessary. Don't let yourself try to write something you don't want to write. Let others write hack and slash. You write something "under the covers". Remember... there's horror in Sherlock Holmes, but very little gore.