weirdelf

Aug 06, 2014

This poem is part of the workshop:

A NEW FORM ( let's begin)

(Read More...)

Description:A shop exploring a new form of poetry which can encompass almost any form. It's called "Morphing" and an example will be shown below. We will first discuss the form then will each write their own poem using the form and then comment on one another's poems. There are very few "wrong" ways to write using this form and whatever form you prefer will be able to be used within your poem. This is going to be a fun and participant driven shop of short duration so don't be afraid to join in

Leader: Stan Holliday
Moderator(s):

Objectives: Learn about and use a new poetry form which also will require the use of at least 2 established forms. A secondary function will be to get writers to venture out of comfort zone of their preferred form without having to write an entire poem in an unfamiliar form.

Level of expertise: Open to all

Subject matter: Learn a completely new form of poetry while also stretching out of our comfort zones. This new form is one in which a poem begins in one form and then changes form as the subject matter changes.
Example : "Widow's Retreat"

At sixty years
the telephone
bringing the news late at night

An accident
on his way home.
mad dash to the hospital
...too late.....

The daze
of death cetificates
coffin choices
hushed sad voices
busy work
then finally

alone

For almost all her life
she's been a part of someone else
a teenage girlfriend
mother
wife......

Now the kids are grown and gone
as expected, as should be
but facing even one more day
of cold nights for eternity?

She maintains her brave fascade
rehearsed words and false cheer
while secretly she cursed God
for putting her through such a trial

So inwardly her spirit drifts
to a place which she calls Avalon
where lovers never endure rifts.
A place of warm eternal dawns.

Where everyone stays seventeen,
where tears of loss are never shed,
where the leaves are always green
as on the day when they were wed

You'll often see her sitting there
as she travels in her rocking chair
eyes closed, a small smile on her face
to Avalon, her favorite place...

This workshop is closed.

Morphing Death (A New Form workshop)

Poem Body

There was an old atheist poet
who knew death and much about it
he knew not the end
or which way to bend
his life in order to show it

So he lived and loved hard
wrote what he could
courted danger and love and strife
the end has not changed
maybe sooner or closer
but he only chooses to say

fuck it.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I deleted the original post because of some judgemental attempts at censorship and downright abuse. Thanks to those who gave constructive criticism, it has been incorporated.

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics, The Mersey Sound, The Beats and, of course, The Bard

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

I

still think the second line needs revision. Also next to last line might read better as "he chooses to say only". Now on to form. This short poem displays how the "morphing" almost Has to be abrupt in poems which have few stanzas. There just isn't enough room for a gradual change from one form to another..........stan

two thing if I may

I think the transfare or the "morphing" is unclear. As I see it, it goes from structured stanza to another of the same unless I am missing something. like Stan, I thought if you extend, you will make more benefit of the new form.

And, I thought the last line, unlike what's intended, weakens the piece.
I think there are always some better alternatives when you have the mentality of the great and the old fellow poets.

please don't try to censor me ( have edited this comment)

I use words carefully
Please don't moralise to me over my use of language. I sincerely believe that all language, where it contributes to the meaning and power of a poem is valid.
I can't meaningfully or truly apologise for my use of language that may offend but consider the words of the brilliant poet and comedian, Stephen Fry-
“It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what." Offence is taken, not given.
but I assure you that each word in my poetry is considered carefully.
sincerely,

Jess

Just by suggesting there might be an alternate way to say something is not moralizing. At no time did Rula object to any particular word, she only offered her opinion ..............stan

Thank you

Stan

The criticism, not critque,

The criticism, not critque, was implied. I will not censor my language

strange!!!

I am even sorry that I came to your thread!!

Rula, your critique was valid

and I will try to write a better poem now understanding the concept better.

I tend to agree with Rula on one of her comments.

I don't know that I can see a "morph". At least not a strong enough one for me.

agreed

I will attempt a better approach to the concept.

The morph

seems to be from rhyme to blank verse which although it's not a Lot of change it Is a change. ..stan

The morph is subtle to me also

I do see it after reading a second time. Rhyme then free form.

I agree, I failed in the morphing concept (comment edited)

I got excited (almost exited) by the idea and missed the point. I'll try a better one.

The language use can go and get truly fucked though. I will use whatever words I find appropriate but don't ever try to censor me.

Jess

Lol. I would never do that. If you weren't so mean you wouldn't be you. :) wouldn't try to Change you

thanks Barbara

I have been mean, even cruel in my critique but I know that you and many others have benefited from it. Nice is not always helpful or true.

not really

This is a pretty good example of how a gradual morph can be used in a longer poem. One could begin with structured rhyme then go to a verse where only line 2 and 4 rhyme in a 4 line stanza then proceed to blank verse which then changes to free form which has good flow and finally devolve to choppy free verse.

But this gradual change Isn't very effective in such a short poem. It's not Wrong, just not very effective.........PS get off the censorship horse, you've ridden it to death lol.........stan

Stsn

I thought blank verse and free form was essentially the same. What's makes then differ. I'll need to write one of each and compare— meditate to gets the difference.

I always fall off horses.

I always fall off horses.
It hurts.

Blank verse vs. Free verse.

Free verse is as the name implies. Anything goes. Generally speaking the best are using some sense of meter, but it is by no means required.
Blank verse is a poem written in a specific metrical style, but sans rhyme.
That's the simple explanation.

Wesley

To see if I got free verse—Anything goes. As for blank verse I'll need an explain example bc I'm not so metrically inclined. I'll need to compare the two

OK, examples

I came upon a house today
though most of it had gone away
and left behind its mossy bones
of listing piers and cracked hearthstones................rhyming meter

I came upon a house today
though most of it had gone elsewhere
and left behind its mossy bones
of cracked hearthstones and listing piers....................blank verse

By chance I saw a house today
although all was gone save bricks and stones
covered in deep green moss.................free form

Hope that helps........stan

Stan

Wow I am enlighten.
Thanks ever so much. These examples have helped me a lot. They also made me realize how, like the wind I am when I write poetry. I guess i never once wrote a poem one way at a time bc now I see when I'm writing my thoughts and feelings shifts by nature unawares to me. I guess Im a walking flesh of morph poetry and never new it. Lol. If only I can imagine what y'all feel when trying to read my work. To me it's who I am and it's a normal feel. Not sure it's a good

Hi

I guess if one stretches the definition of free form poetry that morphing poetry could be considered a subset of free form. I am Extremely pleased that this shop has opened you up to considering other forms rather than your usual one. That is one of the reasons I decided to do this shop, as a way to sneakily get folks who write almost exclusively in one form to try others without having to write an entire poem in an unfamiliar form. Tricky old dude ain't I? lol.
But the main thing is to show other this new form which I think can be put to good use in writing and enhancing certain types of poetry............stan

The most famous blank verse in the English language...

... is Hamlet's soliloquy. "To Be or Not To Be" is catalectic iambic pentameter with no rhyme.

Death Poem

I have read all the words this generated from a good number of writers here.
I liked the subtle change from stanza one to two, all these words damn wish some of my writes would have so many comments.
We argue shout and rant at each other here but it is not the place to do so.
One day I may join in but the dust makes me cough so I will wait in the shadows for a while, then when you think all is quiet I shall shoot shit out of you just for a response LOL.
Yours Ian.T

you are just a but shy

say fuck, cunt and shit a bit more.
they are powerful and useful words, even though the moralists will give you shit for using them.

Actually you don't have to use them all. I ,mostly don't.. The point is to speak with passion. Use strong feelings, As a gentle man I also know your power, Use it!

Jess

The write dictates the use of words, so as you know most of my writes are of a spiritual nature, when I do use the odd Anglo Saxon word, it does make people sit up and read again, as if their eyes aren't working properly.
Of late I have used more of those words but it is a change of my way of writing that doesn't help.
My series on Digit could have been more expressive but who the hell reads many things here we have become a post box of late where poets post but never seem to answer their mail, one day they will not have any mail and will stupidly ask why.
Take this morning I have 12 updates to look at, from comments on my pieces, to any comment on ones I have commented on and also PM's, so I have been busy.
Loved sometimes says he is not read or so, but all new poems are read by me and the comments read but I quite honestly haven't the time to comment on all pieces.
Our family can be traced back to 900 and something, they say the church burnt down with all the records in, then they assume our name of Howard has come from the Anglo Saxon of Hereward, so bloody watch out you keep me on side lol.
You take care, and thanks for resolving the angry words being thrown about of late, we still love you when you are angry but the shield you put up is harder to get through,
Yours as always, Ian

Late to the party

I see a limerick then I'm not sure what then a limerick's end. I wonder if the poem started with a more serious, traditional stanza then slowly morphed into a limerick. You seem like the kind of fellow who might make his final words a limerick.

If I may say

that most of the comments in this thread have been about choice of words rather than the poem itself and morphing.....in the bargain theme of the poem has received little comment...in my opinion the protagonist has touched upon a good theme about the unknown supreme force and how the subject dealt with it while approaching the eventual end of his/her life...in my earnest belief the use of the last two words fit this poem to illustrate the frustration of the subject and his giving up on his ideology which in itself is morphing...if not in the form of poetry but the mood of the poem.....in other word use of the words "fuck it" are in the context of illustration rather than abuse...

Regards,

thank you indeed, Raj

for your perceptive reading and interpretation. I would say you pretty much nailed it.

Jess

Good to know I perceived & interpreted it mostly right if not fully.

Regards,

yes

the only thing that was slightly off, perfectly understandably, was "giving up on his ideology". Not giving up, just morphing.
In life the only thing that doesn't change is change. People locked into ideologies or religions are mentally and spiritually dead.

Jess

I am seriously interested in reading the original poem

I looked for the edits tabs and couldn't find it on the page

maybe I am tired and confused ?

I think this is a damn fine poem I am intrigued now...

love Jayne x

yes, it's odd, Jayne

the Revisions tab is there,
but it shows none of the changes I've made. 'Such is life' as some famous Aussie uttered last of all.
Thanks for the read.