I release my dreams to dance with the stars
and watch them shine with colors of hopes
or perish and turn to dusts of life,
reborn again in another time
My try in parsing -
I release/ my dreams /to dance/ with the stars
and watch/ them shine/ with co/lors of hopes/
or per/ish and turn/ to dusts/ of life,
reborn/ again/ in ano/-ther time
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Here's the description
This poem is in iambic pentameter
It is and nicely done.
Can you write us one in combination? Iamb and anapest together?
Wes
Done that. What do you think?
Alid
Where is it?
I must have missed it. Can you send me a link? Or tell me where to look?
see
his parsing for the mix
Thanks Stan
I kinda wonder what is happening when Wes says he can't see it. lol. Guess he's quite stressed out.
Alid
lmao!
"stressed" out huh? Maybe we're all getting stressed by stresses
You're right.
It is a combo. I'm an idiot. Your work here is done. Make sure you critique anything else to come, but I think you will be the only one to finish.
Bravo.
I hope you continue to use what we talked about and not forget it.
will do, Wes
but sometimes its hard especially for the one in my "Hell On Earth" and "To All The Women I Love" poems. Tht will take time and the wait for me to be a bit better.
Alid