judyanne
judyanne
Feb 20, 2015

My Jem

Poem Body

as time so slyly creeps and fumbles past
the empty chair, now you're no longer here
I fear I might forget your face’s cast
without a token icon of you near

forget those eyes of grey reflecting love
the auburn locks that sparkled in the sun
the irrepressible blithe spirit of
a gift of joyous wonderment and fun

but then I close my eyes and you are there
as large as life, a portrait in my mind
and something deep inside becomes aware
I understand, I'd see if stricken blind

for even though we're now so far apart
the echo of you lives within my heart
.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Favourite poets? So many, so varied. I like particular songs, not necessarily the singer... and the same goes for poetry. I can honestly say though, that Alfred Noyes' The Highwayman was what inspired my love of poetry - my mother began reading it to me when I was still a baby, and it became my favourite bedtime story

More from this author

Comments

Rula

Rula

10 years 2 months ago

sonnet dear judy.
Have you abandoned capitalization altogether for a purpose?

PS. I understand that "Jem" is intentional for your Jeremy, but others might miss the whole thing.
How about "My Gem?" It holds a beautiful meaning for a beautiful person.
What do you think?

judyanne

Have you not noticed that I rarely use punctuation?
I usually only use it when telling a narrative...

As for the 'jem' rather than 'gem'
Well, that's for me, my message, and for others to contemplate whether it is a typo or mispel.... lol - maybe a thesis may one day be written about what I meant (wouldn't that be lovely - for my poem to be studied and deconstructed) ....just as I once had a very stimulating discussion in a tutorial at uni about the use by a poet of the word 'arc' rather than arch...

I have also edited a poem I wrote a while ago -the star- (I'm going through my writes (slowly lol as to not clog the stream) and doing edits on the ones that annoy me, and I have used 'jem' rather than 'gem' there too

Thanks for the read and your thoughts... always very much appreciated
Love judy
xxx

R

raj

10 years 2 months ago

What a gem of a poem this is. There is rhythm of your heart beats felt in every verse. I would disagree with Rula here about whether it should be Jem or Gem.. This is because even without a title the relationship becomes pretty clear between the protagonist and who it is all about.

Some of the lines are so beautifully vivid, such as,

but then I close my eyes and you are there
as large as life, a portrait in my mind

for even though we're now so far apart
the echo of you lives within my heart

I don't know if it was a deliberate intent to prefix Jem with My....but to me it felt as though it meant "mine and mine alone"...

Warm regards,

R

good to know that my guess about the prefixed "My" was spot on....confirms that you are a very possessive woman :)

Regards,

judyanne

I am not a possessive woman...
But I claim my sons as mine...
xxx

R

"claiming my sons as mine" is synonymous of being a possessive mom unless my understanding of english is horribly wrong :)

judyanne

has connotations of selfishness

the 'my' simply implies that I am talking about MY Jem - not the man with the same name over there....
it also implies a pride in the person I call mine, but not possessiveness
xxx

R

my comment was not meant to question your prowess with english language..it was just in mild humor...if in doing so i have stepped inadvertently on the toes...my sincere apologies..

Regards...

Sparrow

I think that this is one of the most beaut Sonnets I have read in many years.
That you have incorporated another realm and made it so true, always remember those that have gone before will wait for you,
Yours Ian