Poem Body
cold time fades away
hot bright intermittent days
spring in New England
The crispness has gone away
Now just sun filled days
Blooms anew wakens my love
Birds singing the dawn does make
Growth around the ground does break;
Wonderful morning
Spring day view brings forth new life
Winter comes to close
Birds singing is my favorite
Stinging insects not so much;
Shine on little bug
Into our dreams chirp away
Warn night serenades
Under a brightly moon pass
I drift off until the dawn;
dream water lily
perched atop crystal clear drink
dipping toes shallow
skip into remembrances
mystic morning inner realm.
Mark
Barbara Writes
Ian
Comments
Incredible sense of scenery...
Hi Barbara, I really enjoyed this. It transported me to a different place and there was a really quaint, ethereal sense to the writing. I also loved the small bits of insight into the persona (i.e., the line "I drift off until the dawn). The only constructive feedback I would offer would be that the line "perched atop crystal clear drink" seemed a little jarring to me, but this was a very small thing and may be due completely to the way I read it. The piece did speak to me, though, and is one of the better poems I have read as I just loved the feeling it gave. Thanks for the read, and I look forward to seeing more of your work in the future.
Nicholas.
Thanks
It's one of my collaboratively written Japanese poem called Renga; not sure why I worded that line the way I did. Must've had a bad day that day lol.
I've started a new collaborative poetry workshop. check it out at the link below