New Direction

Poem Body

Above the road
caught in a gust of wind
a butterfly.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Comments

Love it

Simple

but elegant

free just like

the butterfly

Great job and nice to read you once again

Hugs
Mona

Hi Beki

nicely done...i would suggest though to change road to something more natural...so good to see you posting again..

I agree.

I agree with Raj, i thought off ( above a trail ). Nice poem whatever you decide. Regards Roscoe...

I do see what you mean but the butterfly was above the road... go with someting more poetic..or stick with the truth? :) going to leave it, but thank you for stopping (forever ago lol) to comment and give some input! :) lots of love to you all xxx

butterfly road

road a solid route a path we take
for most
and then the butterfly free
a route they take yes
no need for roads with wings

caught in a gust of wind
not just flitting along
but that would catch my eye
as Im always looking up at
birds

I like the road being solid
like fate like the certianty we
so desire in our lives
(some of us)
and the butterfly with its
perilous existance
its delicate persistance
flying in that freedom
gusts and all

it takes its gusts
and we take our road
dreaming of wings
thinking of freedom
on our road away from
towards too

Thank You!

'it takes its gusts

'it takes its gusts
and we take our road
dreaming of wings
thinking of freedom'

Yes, this is it.. thank you!! :)
it had to stay road for me, I had thought of cross roads and do see what the comments mean about something more natural or impactful, but there really was a butterfly above the road and seeing it really affected me (enough to go and write it down) and I wanted to present it as it was, unembellished. Much love to you dear Esker xxx