Resting on the covered porch
Hanging from two aging chains,
Sits a metaphor for simple living
Recording life's losses and its gains.
A simple swing with aging pillows
That we bought back in sixty nine,
Has listened to our fears and dreams
And all the joy we hoped to find.
We were there just three years later
With a baby boy we had been blessed,
We would rock our son for hours,
To raise this child we'd do our best.
As friends would come to visit
We would gather on the porch,
Swinging through the light of day
Then we'd light the evening torch.
Talks of yesterday and fun tomorrows
Songs of hope and dreams we'd sing,
We watched the seasons ebb and flow
While we sat on our porch swing.
Many years have come and gone
Yet we'll sit and swing a while,
As we count our many blessings
We'll hold hands and gently smile.
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem effectively utilizes the porch swing as a symbol of simplicity, continuity, and the passage of time. It is a device that ties together the various stages of life and experiences of the characters. The use of a consistent rhyme scheme throughout the poem also contributes to its overall rhythm and flow.
However, the poem could benefit from more vivid, sensory language to make the scenes more tangible and engaging for readers. For instance, instead of stating "we would gather on the porch," consider describing the sounds, smells, or feelings associated with these gatherings. This could help to immerse the reader more fully in the experiences being recounted.
The poem also tends to tell rather than show. For example, in the line "We watched the seasons ebb and flow," the poem could instead describe specific changes in the environment that signify the changing seasons. This would allow the reader to infer the passage of time, rather than being told directly.
Lastly, the poem could explore deeper emotional depths. While it does touch on themes of love, family, and the passage of time, it does so in a somewhat surface-level manner. By delving into the emotions associated with these themes more deeply, the poem could resonate more powerfully with readers.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
I love this
ode to the porch swing. Seems as a legacy to keep.
You really excelled to show your love to every moment you spent there.
P.s. you have a tiny typo... S.3 last line (do)
Other than that all is well done!
Best wishes.
Hi Rula.
Hi Rula.
Thanks for taking the time read and comment, I appreciate it.
And, "thank you" for catching the typo. I'm sure I read it three or four times before I submitted it, each time not catching the error.
All my best, Will
Hi William
Such a Beautiful sense of construction and flow, a magnificent piece and have read it several times purely to immerse in the craft of a gifted wordsmith.
Kindest regards
Izzi
Hello Izzy.
Hello Izzy.
Thank you for your kind comments, I'm so glad you enjoyed the poem.
All my best, Will