Candlewitch
Candlewitch
Mar 12, 2024
This poem is part of the challenge:

03/24 My Favorite Pet

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Our Boy, Gonzo (mon petit chou)

Poem Body

Going for walks in the hood,
you walked ahead on the grass
When I stopped, you did also,
I talked to you as we went along.

I loved the way you looked both ways
continuously when crossing the streets,
I marveled at the intellect that was you
taking enormous pride that we belonged.

We traveled everywhere together,
in my 1967 Pontiac goat(GTO) you rode
resting in my lap, with window view,
on my motorcycle, nestled inside my jacket.

Living at a friend's house, in the basement
I had a couch that converted into a bed.
A window which you used at your leisure,
Steven met you on your return home

Laying on the bed talking to Steven,
you came in your window, landing
all four feet beside his head, meowing
checking you out, he approved from the start!

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda and many more.

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Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem presents a vivid narrative of the relationship between the speaker and their cat, Gonzo. The use of specific details, such as the "1967 Pontiac goat" and the "couch that converted into a bed," helps to ground the poem in a particular time and place, which can enhance the reader's engagement with the text.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of poetic devices. For example, the use of metaphor or simile could help to deepen the reader's understanding of the relationship between the speaker and Gonzo. Additionally, the poem could benefit from a more careful attention to rhythm and meter. In its current form, the poem's lines vary significantly in length, which can disrupt the flow of the poem and make it more difficult for the reader to follow.

Lastly, the poem's ending could be strengthened. The final line, "getting over surprise, he just said, 'Wow!'" feels somewhat anticlimactic. The poem might benefit from an ending that more clearly ties together the various threads of the narrative and offers some sort of resolution or insight.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Mary Beth Magee

I loved your descriptions of interactions with Gonzo. So many cats don't like to ride in vehicles that I can't imagine one riding on a motorcycle! Wow. I would have liked a little more physical description to see if my mental picture matches reality. Thanks for sharing.

Candlewitch

Gonzo was more like a person than a cat...he was often dog-like in his mannerisms. He answered me when I spoke to him, with a m'row . he often slept in the crook of my arm, when he was otherwise he slept over my head. I put a pillow there and it was His place, where he could sack out while touching me;) he rode inside my red leather jacket, with his head out of the neck. He was a very trusting boy and he loved my husband Steven, too. I will probably never meet another cat anywhere close to the likes of my 'Zoe ever again...we were blessed!

*hugs, Cat

p.s.

Gonzo was mostly white with a gray tail, ears and three spots. It has been a long time passed but I can still see him in my mind's eye. he was a beautiful boy!

Mary Beth Magee

I pictured him gray and white as I read the verse. Thanks for letting me know I was almost on track. I must admit, I have a great affinity for gray tuxedo cats, so that may have played into it, LOL.

Candlewitch

You are very welcome! At present we have 3 cats; Miko a black with whit tufts of hair. Mia, a Russian Blue and Phoenix, a black and white Tuxedo, who adorers my husband Steven, and follows him everywhere!

*hugs, Cat

William Lynn

Hi Cat.

I just read your poem to Ms. Kitty and both she and I thoroughly approve in both content, meter and rhyme. Rest assured that Ms. Kitty is a seasoned critic and knows her stuff and is most willing to share her opinions!

Fun read, thanks. Will

Candlewitch

I am so glad that I have given you both entertainment for a moment in time. Gonzo lives in my heart and I carry him with me on this journey through time. Thank you for both, for telling me of your enjoyment. I really appreciate it.

* big hug, Cat