Nordic cloud

Apr 28, 2013

IN PALE ATTIRE

Poem Body

Bright, bright the day,
it isn't may,
no heavy cloud,
no wind,
no sudden sight of gusts
that yesterday
asked leaves up to dance;
wind still,
it silently came in at dawn,
in pale attire,
and filled the scene with melancholy light,
with here and there a splash of brightened woods,
as sunlight permeated through the view,
that well known smooth horizon,
across the window's wide,
that reached into the mind,
as peace perceived and satisfied.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Oslo and Flatdal, Norway., NOR

Favorite Poets: Too daunting this.

Comments

I absolutely love this

Anna. Smooth with lots of nice imagery. Make me feel it and want to
come where peace is quite satisfied.
One thing yet I couldn't get is the title , Why Pale attire. Well I understand where is this
coming from but would wish for a more vivid title. I mean it is nice to have the wind stilled, isn't it?
Anyway, this was truely an enjoyable read .

It was as if I painted it

Rula, it was pale, yet bright in pastel colours,
and it was the day in pale attire that became the start.
Day in pale attire, but then I would have to leave
out the pale attire in the text.

It was as if I painted it, depicting slightly different
moments in it's unfolding,
and that's how it all came to me.

But I see what Ross means about too many words,
although the sound of a poem is important over the meaning
of the words for me sometimes, what do you think Rula?

Love that you enjoyed it though and love from Ann.

Bright the day,

Bright the day,
no heavy cloud,
no sudden sight of gusts
that yesterday
asked leaves to dance; -leave out 'up'

dawn filled the scene with
with here and there
a splash of brightened woods,
the window's well known
smooth horizon,
reached the mind
and satisfied.

I've edited this, letting the best lines carry the poem and I've cut out rhymes and over explaining, over describing that are not effective or unnecessary.
best wishes
ross

some of the poetic, the dance

First thank you for making a crit for me, that's a compliment Ross.

Ross you take away all the music of the poem, the sounds.
Your statement of a day is correct, upright, good poetry,
but it has lost some of the poetic, the dance, for me.

I agree about the
"up."

Okay...

Bright day, no cloud,
streaked sun on woods
a quiet satisfaction.

Pale apparition,
a day with shapes of sun
quiet horizon.

Rays of sun
on quiet view,
no wind today.

Sun
day
calm.

Lit woods
a smoothe horizon
pale sky.

Several very different songs.
Love Ann.