Poem Body
Summer rain trickles tears of boredom
Until Mrs Mop the puppet comes out to play
Peek-a-boo! Hiccup! Slosh
Changing the mood to waves of laughter.
Sorry guy's completely changed it! Lol
Apr 21, 2011
Rainy Day, Puppet Play
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
sweet Mand
There is an equal balance of both for me. I find myself not to conform as much as I use to, like when I was home with my parents. I now consider myself a free thinker. Do I have strings, I say yes. I live and work in this world. I see it as the "Master/Slave concept". I am master of some things where I pull the strings and the slave in others where my strings are pulled. That's where I see the equal balance.
It's just food for thought, the "Master/Slave concept"
Great write on your part.
Hi Eddie
After writing this poem and reading your comment I began to think more deeply about this complex subject. I think I will be changing it but it needs more thought! any suggestions would be welcome.
Love Mand xxxxxxx
Mand
Somehow try to incorparate the fact that we are all puppeteers, to an extent of a continues circle, like ying and yang. the dark and the light.
you see what I'm saying. really this is your poem and you see it as it was born in your mind not mind. i'm just glad you saw my universe as I percieve it.
thank you Hon.
Having been pressed...
into service as a baby-sitter for my 6mos. old grandaughter, I thought of entertaining a child immediately.
LOL Kids are quite nicely distracted by the most common of things! My only crit. is that I didn't understand the reference to summer boredom, argues tears? Other than that, I loved the simplicity and charm. ~ Gee
Hi Gee
It's hard to find things to entertain children. Lol I really did have a puppet called Mrs Mob - she had shocking orange hair, I would get her out on rainy days during the summer holidays.
I have made a few adjustments based on your observations. Hope it sounds better.
Great to have your imput - can't always see the woods for the trees.
Thanks for stopping by to read and comment
Love Mand xxxxxx
Oh lovely lovely lovely,
Oh lovely lovely lovely,
I see the child sobbing and then the bright idea comes
Mrs Mop saves the day wonderfully.
I smile a warm knowing smile here Mand.
Love to you from Ann.