Since I no longer rest in your bedding,
My head is no longer resting,
My mind is slowly infecting
All of my soul which is protesting.
My heart; only accelerating
As anxious thoughts are manifesting,
Your lips are all that mine are requesting.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Short Poems
I still love these short poems. It's amazing how much emotion we can pack into a few lines. Been a while since I did something like this myself.
But the lines that got me
"My mind is slowly infecting
All of my soul which is protesting."
Something I'm all too familiar with. If that makes sense.
Liked it a lot. It had good flow for me too. One that I like to read over and over.
Good job.
Short poems
I am a fan of short poems too but have always struggled to make mine short and succinct in the past but thought I'd give it a go. Thank you very much I'm glad it's a relatable piece!
nice to see brilliant well taught poets..
even my hero tesla wrote a poem
was on pawn stars...
your last line i love....
lips are requesting
i only heard european based people use terminology
as this
i think its very keen
and works well..
poem is magnificent
dazzles me
its a snappy item
thank you!
Thank you Esker
Haven't posted on here in a long time so I'm glad you enjoy this piece!
pathetic
victim female poetry.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
No doubt your are.
Jess
The fact that I wrote this as a woman expressing my emotions on the topic of not lying next to a person I love at night does not make me pathetic or a victim. It makes me human. This poem is about longing for someone I missed. If a man wrote this he'd be wonderful for rejecting the male stereotype of being "masculine" by showing emotion. However, thank you for taking time to read this poem and I appreciate any comments, positive or negative.
/my comment was objectionable and presumptious
thank you for your graciousness in your response.
Perhaps you could help me understand it better.
Interpretation
The poem is of course down to interpretation and how you as a person can relate. For me, it is about my thought process for when I lie awake at night. Recently if I go into too deep a thought I get heart palpitations out of nowhere as if I've just been on a 5 mile jog...in reality I am sitting on my sofa over thinking. These are the anxious thoughts which cause my heart beat to accelerate. Perhaps this can give you a greater understanding.
Thank you for your comment.
thank you
and I very much relate.
Ms Stephanie..
your poetry is as articulate as your comments..
even the greats were severely and unjustly critiqued
and fell under that weight for their reasons..
you are correct...if you have have been steven writing
about his woman...etc....it would have been lauded..
and indeed many women ghost wrote during the fifties
and sixties...
i greatly like your professionalism as in life this is what
i dealt with the most..what i preferred and how i
created a system that works well for me..
i am happy you have returned
Your friend
Steven!
Much appreciated
Thank you, Esker, criticism is welcome on my poetry as we are all sharing our poems for opinions and suggestions. But yes, the fact I am a woman should not come into criticism as it is something I cannot change.
I'm happy I've returned too, I had a block for months. Thank you!
line flow..
maybe its the summer...standing in the bookshops
while the keeps in their uniforms
chat about with the customers
at the que
re-reading this..as i read Poe often
as its done again like the almost
shakespearing flow of rap
todays skies brooding
in monochromes was perfect
for this..
thank you!
thought process....
light years ahead of me
many are....I have a stack of pyschiatric work
fifteen years now..I saw it...including their trying
to almost overdose me on admittance once..
I read this and see my same issues...the thoughts..
I wake up and before and hour the most horrific
panics sets in....all the obsessions rush though
actually in thinking...its a great story...
I obsess over someone...and they are obsessing
over someone whom obsesses over them...
all the thoughts humming like energy on a wire.
I have forgotten the massive panic attacks..but
my hands still shake today....and I cant stop
the rollercoast of thoughts..only hang on when
I know its going to be a brutal day ahead
sometimes...and often just a languishing
empty sluggishness...such vast differencees
why im disabled..why I keep writing..
my worth I feel..my value to society...
Still enjoying your writing and brilliant mind!
thank U...